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Very confused... maybe a homoromantic heterosexual??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Japes, Mar 4, 2017.

  1. Japes

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    So I came out as a lesbian several years ago because I get occasional crushes on girls and never boys and had always pictured myself marrying a girl. I'm 16 now and I still feel that way but I think because I'm getting more 'mature' I've only just started to feel physical sexual attraction 'down there'. The thing is, I feel it for boys only for some reason.

    Every time it happens it makes me feel really anxious because I've grown up gay and that's how everyone knows me and I still want a girlfriend and am romantically attracted to only girls, so if I spend my relationship fantasising about boys and not her how is it going to work??

    I feel like I've lied to everyone and I just want my body and my mind to sync up when it comes to relationships. Does anyone have any advice or wisdom as to how to deal with this? Is it possible I'm just straight or could I be bi or what...? If I have sex with boys and relationships with girls could I still identify as a lesbian?

    This is giving me a lot of anxiety, please help :confused:
     
  2. DreamonRose

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    You are not heterosexual because of your romantic attraction to females. I am gay but I get turned on my gay guys for whatever reason. You can be a lesbian because you arent romantically attracted to males it is sexual. You can still have a wife because I feel like if you find that one girl then it wont matter her gender she will be perfect. Dont change your mind because of appearances
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Nobody can reliably tell you that you aren't heterosexual, and no one should be trying to tell you what your sexual orientation is, or justifying why you should or shouldn't be a lesbian. That is for you, and you alone, to determine.

    The truth is, some people don't figure out who they are until their late teens and sometimes even much, much later. So it's quite possible that, in some ways, you feel attracted to women, and in some ways you feel attracted to men.

    While it is a bit embarrassing to just up and say "Hey, about me being lesbian... not so much...", the truth is, no one who honestly cares about you is going to care that you took some time to figure things out and decided your initial decision wasn't correct. Lots of people have been in that position.

    So what I'd suggest is... simply be who you are. Don't think about the labels for now. If you find yourself attracted to, or wanting to explore attraction to, guys... go for it. Also, explore your masturabtory fantasies, and see what arouses you when you're masturbating without porn. That's the most reliable indicator of where your sexual attractions lie.

    This most likely isn't something you'll get an instant answer to. But if you take your time, let yourself experience the feelings without judging them, it should be a lot easier to figure things out.

    And... feel free to continue talking about it here. Just don't let anyone try to tell you who you are, because that's something only you can decide.
     
  4. Japes

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    Thank you for the reply, I feel better already. It's only up to me to decide what I will identify as and it's OK if that changes a bit while I'm figuring stuff out. Thanks for helping me realise this :slight_smile:
     
  5. Japes

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    Thanks for replying :slight_smile: I hope you are right about finding the right girl and I'm glad I have the choice to still identify as lesbian