Recently I have started getting a weird sensation in my chest when I see actresses on screen. But in real life, the guys stand out like beacons while the girls just blur. Even though I had a weird obsession with breasts( again only actresses), I have had crushes only on guys. So what does this say about my orientation ? Please help me.
Looks like you might be bisexual-heteroromantic: sexually attracted to males and females, romantically attracted to males. Or you might be straight up bisexual, you just haven't had a crush on a girl yet. There's no need to label yourself either way. IDK how old you are but I'm guessing you're young. You've got time. No need to worry yet.
I am 23 And in my country, that is considered old for girls You are expected to be married and have kids by my age. I just wanted to know myself better before I have to surrender to my fate.
It kinda seems like you are only sexually attracted to girls but romantically attracted to guys. Are you also sexually attracted to men?
This might be related to a similar issue with pornography (I realize you're not talking about sexually explicit movies, but it might relate). Porn is designed to sexually arouse people, and many will find that no matter what their orientation is, they will find porn exciting regardless of whether it depicts men, women, straight couples, same-sex couples, and so forth. So, it could be the case that you're simply reacting to a depiction that's meant to show the actresses in question as sexually desirable. If you're not experiencing this with people in person, then that may be all there is to it. On the other hand, people who are gay will often have been taught to find heterosexual relationships/sex attractive, even though it's not how we really feel. To top it off, we're taught to be ashamed about feeling attracted to people who are the same sex/gender as ourselves. So even when we experience that attraction, we find it hard to be comfortable with it at first because we're used to seeing it as something to be ashamed of. With respect to the above poster, I wouldn't recommend trying to split your attractions into sexual and romantic (after all, this only tells you what you want to *do* with a prospective partner - not *who* you want as a partner in the first place). Try considering the question of attractions to men and women as separate issues. Are you attracted to men? And are you attracted to women? You can answer yes or no to either or both - you don't necessarily have to pick one or the other (though you certainly can if that's the truth of things).
I'm not saying she should split her attractions. It is possible to be romantically attracted to one gender but sexually attracted to the other, like how people can be asexual but not aromantic.
There is no credible support for the idea that sexual and romantic attractions are split. In most cases, when people describe "romantic" attraction, what they're really talking about is emotionally intimate friendship, which has nothing to do with sexual orientation. These sorts of discussions tend to confuse people far more than helping them. Additionally, asexuality, at least if we're using the widely-used and accepted definition, is a sexual orientation in the same way that homo or heterosexuality is; asexuals have absolutely no sexual interest or attraction. And again, "romantic attraction" without sexual attraction is essentially deep, emotionally intimate friendship, so it makes sense that someone can have absolutely no sexual attraction or interest in anyone, but can have friends they are close to. With regard to the OP, I agree with Gravity's suggestions and comments; it is also possible there are some other issues going on, especially if you experience anxiety or depression, which can interfere with normal sexual attraction. The overwhelming majority of people fall within the ordinary homo or heterosexual (or bisexual) continuums, and in your situation, it sounds to me like you're closer to heterosexual than anything else. Of course, only you can know for sure, but what I hear is a strong attraction to men (in person) and a weak to nonexistent attraction to women. I think in this case, what's happening with what you see on TV is probably not particularly relevant to the main question here.
Thank you guys so much for helping me clear my confusion to a certain extend. I realize that I have not full explained my predicament. Yes, I react to same sex only when watching porn or when an actress is depicted in sensual manner. I have always admired a beautiful person. male or female. As for feeling attracted to female pornstars, yes I do admire her aesthetics but when I think about whether I want to be in a sexual relationship with her, the answer is a no because certain aspects of it make me uncomfortable. I know that they have nothing to do with my traditional values and upbringing, because my family knows that I support LGBT community and I ship gay couples ( waves destiel flag ) I am known as the weird one in my family. As for being attracted to boys, romantically yes. Because, I never acted on any of my crushes for the fear of being rejected and my family finding out ( my family and Indians in general give too much importance to societal views) Does the constant need to touch him, be his hair or hands, to hug, to cuddle, to kiss can be considered sexual attraction. I have had fantasies involving my crushes but I never thought about them in explicit detail. But as for whether I want to pursue a sexual relationship with boys, yes I would really like to give it a go. My biggest fear is I may not be feel something sexual for the person if I find the one. All I want to find out is why am I experiencing these things now ? Why not in college ? Why not when I left my hometown for my higher studies ? I have met some really attractive people, physical and intellectual, of my gender. I never felt any other feeling than friendship and intellectual fulfillment forthem. Not even when I had to live in an hostel, where the girls where reluctant to be fully dressed stating that it was girls only. Just, why now ? And I have poly cystic ovaries syndrome. I realized now the prominent shift in my reactions, which started only before 3 months and change in the treatment for my medical condition coincide. Does it account for anything ? Thanks again for taking your time for me. Grateful for it.
I'm glad you're able to clear up the confusion a bit. As for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome - I don't know of any source that identifies changes to your sexual drive as a direct effect, no (except indirectly, through depression, etc., but that would tend to lower your sex drive). If you've never felt attractions to women before, especially when you may have expected it to develop (and college/university is a very common time for this to happen), then it may be more evidence that you're simply experience the normal reaction to porn stars or overt sexualization of movie stars. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of social pressure regarding marriage, etc. (not unusual in India, from what I've been told), and that in itself could explain a lot as well. Has anything been happening lately regarding your family, pressure to date/marry, and so forth?
I was the same way (many years ago, I was far to young to even think about sex), but as a kid (age 8+ probably) I had some weird obsession with breasts too, I could always appreciate attractive males and females. But I only had crushes on guys too. Part of that had to do with my mentality "Other people can be queer, but I cannot." I just figured this stuff out last year. Hell, I'm still figuring it out. What I'm saying is, you've got time. If you're like me, you may want the confusion gone and to have this figured out now, but these things take time. Hope I could help in some way!
Thank you so much for replying. You did help. A lot. Growing up, it was a thrill, friends getting together to watch sensual movies or photo shoots, getting a kick out of doing something forbidden. then when I got older and getting to know about certain things, it was like being an odd one. I couldn't really talk about my obsession to anyone for the fear of being ridiculed. I knew that my friends watched erotic movies but there was this unspoken rule : talking about sex and sexuality was probihited. It was not prudent. I feels good to know that my obsession, though weird was not uncommon. As for having crushes only on boys, though a part of me might argue that it was the byproduct of the beliefs drilled into my head, I think it had to do with the people I had my crushes on, not the gender. I do want to figure this out now, because patience was never one of my virtues. Again, I thank all of you for taking time to help me with my uncertainty.
