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Lesbian who sometimes feels attracted to older men

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sapphiregirl, Mar 7, 2017.

  1. sapphiregirl

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    I'm a 22 year old lesbian. For as long as I can remember, I've felt somewhat attracted to men much older than me. I know I am gay - I've been with girls before and have only had extremely deep/strong feelings towards women (never men). I'm attracted to girls in every way - they drive me crazy. I can only see myself settling down in the future with a woman.

    However, in between my female attractions, there have been a few older men I've felt drawn to. I think it has been more of a romantic attraction. These men include one of my dad's friends and a few male university teachers I've had.

    Today on campus, I actually ran into one of my uni teachers from last year whom I felt that way about. I was surprised he remembered me and said hey. The attraction kind of returned in that moment. This man is in his early 40s, has the coolest style, is about 6'3" and has a beautiful voice - well spoken/intelligent. I remember admiring how suave and creative he was too. He was always a sensitive, understanding person and a great teacher. I used to fantasise about him holding me, or us just cuddling in bed together talking.

    I don't know why this happens, especially when I know I'm sexually attracted to girls. I've found I tend to feel this way about certain men who are accomplished and secure in their careers/life. I admire that and want it for myself. Can anyone relate? What's this about?
     
    #1 sapphiregirl, Mar 7, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2017
  2. Jini

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    You might be bisexual. It's a real thing although some think it's just being slutty and greedy. I'm bi and to me it's a great thing to admit and enjoy and be proud of. I have twice as many chances to hook up as straight and strictly gay people do.
     
  3. Creativemind

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    I mean, you can still be on the bisexual or biromantic spectrum, since everyone is different. I am a lesbian and I don't even have strong romantic or sexual feelings for girls, really. I get mistaken as more of an aromantic/asexual person since the desires aren't that strong and that I don't relate to lesbians who go crazy "horndog" over girls. But I still consider myself gay since I only like girls and never guys.

    It's more up to you. But sexuality is pretty complex.
     
    #3 Creativemind, Mar 8, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2017
  4. WMM

    WMM
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    Hello

    I am just an old straight guy. My wife is bisexual. She loves me. I turn her on. She likes strong, self assured men who are successful, who never need their egos stroked by getting any attention except kissing from her during sex for instance. I never even noticed she didn't like my body until we had been married nearly a year. Then I didn't care, it was just something interesting to note.

    Mary is bisexual. She loves the attention men give her, well, some men. If they are like me. She responds, she has orgasms. She enjoys sex.

    She loves women. Totally loves women. Physically, emotionally, in every way. But since the day she said she was bisexual in 1992 she has never wavered. She is aggressive and very oral with women, and men are allowed to worship her, and she loves me. It works for her.

    Be well
     
  5. Shorthaul

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    It could be that it has little or nothing to do with their gender but their personality and how they treat you as a person.

    Cool style, intelligent, well spoken with a beautiful voice, creative and suave. Along with accomplished and have a secure career/life are all things I would look for in a partner no matter their gender. And they are all things anyone could have woman or man.

    It just so happens that a few men have the right combination of traits you find desirable, to make them attractive to you. Nothing really to worry about, or lose sleep over.
     
  6. seeking

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    I agree that it could just be that you appreciate them and value them as a person. That you would want them to play a significant role. But, doesn't always indicate that your sexuality is something other than lesbian.

    My opinion is the explore these feelings. If there is a guy you are drawn to...talk to them and see if you would like to move it toward something other than friendship. I am all for exploring and letting life events point you toward who you are as a person.
     
  7. PatrickUK

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    I don't think you need to be worried. Very few things in life are dead certs and there is no reason why our sexuality or feelings of attraction or admiration should be one of those rare things. All gay people are capable of recognising beauty in the opposite sex and we don't need to deny that fact or pretend otherwise.

    I deliberately highlighted admiration because I think that's what you are experiencing, more than attraction. You seem drawn to older men who have made something of their lives... men who are confident, self assured and exude personality traits that are attractive to you. So when you use the word attraction, I think this is the context in which it is meant, but do correct me if I'm wrong.

    I don't think you really need to entertain the idea that you are bisexual.
     
  8. beenthrdonetht

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    In an ideal world, you could just say to this small minority of people "Hey, I'd like to cuddle." And still be yourself.