Hello everyone, I'm new to the site but have found lots of strength within this forum as I've been feeling very estranged recently. This may be a little long but I'd like to provide some background to my question and perhaps you could help me out! I've experienced what I might term emotional (with slight aesthetic) attraction to men, but I only ever remember having had true "feelings" for two men in my life. Two years ago I was seeing a guy I felt comfortable with and connected to. I ended up having sex with him due to curiosity and external pressures, but I had a very hard time, emotionally, during and after the experience. The sex itself was listless, we didn't do any other sexual acts because they felt too intimate for me and I immediately felt less connected to him and told him I wanted to stop seeing him after we slept together. Since that experience I feel that I see men as even less attractive than before. There has always been a part of my mind that refused to consider my sexuality. And after having to process the emotions from my sexual experience, I've had to seriously consider the fact that I might prefer women. I am beginning to form some recollection of what would have been childhood crushes on women and I am constantly pondering what it would be like to kiss or have sex with women. I imagine that I would be much more comfortable with this sort of intimacy, but of course, I am not certain. Sadly, nobody has ever questioned me about my sexuality (even though I never mention my attraction to any gender). I think this is because I present myself as femme. I don't want to come out to anyone because I'm so unsure and confused, but I'm starting to become resentful at people's assumptions about my sexuality. Mostly, I want to have the opportunity to have a sexual/romantic experience with a women. Most of the females I am attracted to are straight and if I know they're not, I'm afraid to flirt for fear that they have been told I'm straight and won't take me seriously. I am in a tricky situation and would really appreciate any advice Thank you all so much and have a wonderful day <3
Everyone will assume anyone is straight, possibly even other gay or queer people, unless there's something openly telling about you. Even then, it's not always accurate. This is simply an aspect of society that you will not be able to avoid, and it remains in your hands and your power to choose how, when, and to whom you reveal and or express your sexuality and preferences. You can wear your sexuality on your shoulder, but you would have to do it in a very particular way, and I don't think there's any definitive way in which to do so. As for your current situation of confusion and anxiety over questioning your attractions and sexual orientation, there will be a period of an indeterminent time where you will have to work through your thoughts and feelings quite a bit before you can feel more certain about where you stand. It might take a few weeks or a few months. But if you're just recently considering your feelings, and even memories of past crushes towards other women, then this is only your first step, and you will need to give your mind and body time to adjust to this new path you have taken. I started seriously questioning my orientation last October, around my birthday actually, and at the time, I thought I might be bisexual, because my feelings towards men and women were pretty equal. And since that time, I have thought more and more everyday about my past crushes, my past curiosities, and my current feelings towards the men that I would see in different forms of media, and real life. Then, in mid-February, something clicked inside my brain. I slowly began to show less interest in women, while my interest in men grew rapidly. And after joining Empty Closets, I now consider myself pretty much Gay, with a dash of bisexuality. Essentially, I'm attracted to masculinity, even in women, as I've always had a thing for tomboys and androgynous people. But I still like men for the most part. And from what other stories I've heard, the same progression of events regarding your acceptance, exploration, and eventual understanding of your reborn sexuality will occur for you. It may take more time or less time than others, but as long as you are honest with yourself, it will come. And once it does, you should feel a lot less nervous about where you stand. Only then would I consider actually pursuing anyone or trying to flirt with anyone, because confidence in yourself can be a big help there, and make flirting much easier.
My wife is bisexual. She says there is no lesbian fashion. She's had several girlfriends, and 2 identified as lesbian. They were the most feminine looking and dressing women I could imagine. Aside from that, Mary says just go for it. Somebody has to make the first move. Don't waste all your time wondering, just ask for a kiss. Yes, I know, Mary is too edge for most people. Be well
MisterMissy, Your response really touched me, and good luck on your journey of self discovery as well. I have found myself unable to stop thinking about my sexuality for over a year (as my sexual experience was in early 2016). Like you are saying, perhaps I must dig into the confusion before I can find some clarity. I'll try to be more confident in myself and in my desires. Take care <3 ---------- Post added 10th Mar 2017 at 12:55 PM ---------- Thanks for your help WMM
