The Club is not the best place to find love...but where do the gays go?

Heya,

Take a look here, it may help: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...king-relationship-simpler-than-you-think.html

Long story short: There is no big secret. There are those who find boyfriends in bars and apps. There are those who find boyfriends in school, work, common interest groups, etc.

The problem with bars and apps is that most people are there just for sex. Or, even if the person is looking for something more, the pressure of "we are both talking on this app because we want to have a relationship" makes things harder, especially since it makes it easier to set unrealistic expectations regarding the other person.

I'm not saying you can't try to find other people in apps. That's what i do, because i don't have other options in my city, for example. However, a better way would be to find groups that have same interests that you (like videogames, books, etc.) and connect with them, without expecting a relationship to happen.

Yes, it seems weird that i'm telling you "go find other people, because a relationship might happen, but without looking for one". But the thing is: Worrying about having a boyfriend doesn't help you to get one most of the time. A good thing to do is to go out there, show you are available, but using this time to do things you enjoy.

Again, there is no big secret. This isn't a big secret or a recipe: But, while nothing happens at the relationship level, you are enjoying your time, making friends, connecting with other people... and that may eventually help you to find someone interesting.

 

Just a small note: That's the opposite of my experience. Maybe because i really deslike the environment of bars, i don't usually find fun people there (because they seldom like the same things i like!). So it depends on your personal tastes, of course.

I also found many guys in parties/bars who aren't really comfortable with themselves, but instead, they are really insecure and try to find in sex, muscles and drinks a way to forget their problems (which is understandable, but, of course, it isn't a good way to deal with insecurity).

Of course, not all of them are this way (maybe not even the majority), but, in my experience, there are many people like this.

But, in resume, like OGS said:

Exactly this! Couldn't have said it better.

If you like parties, then go there and enjoy. If you like RPG, find a group for you in your city to play and discuss the theme (Facebook can be a great ally to find groups). If you like books, same thing, find a group about that!

Have fun and do things not because you need a relationship, but because you are using your time with something you enjoy. Find friends, connect with people. That i'll make it easier to find someone - not because you are actively looking and thinking "is this the one?" every time you meet someone new, but because you are enjoying yourself and finding people with common interests - be it parties or World of Warcraft.