Hi, so I'm in a bit of a mental mess when it comes to my sexuality. I've been having a sexuality crises ever since I could remember, I just didn't know it could be labeled as a sexuality crises when I was like 10. I remember being like 10/11 and finding my mom's Victoria Secrets catalogue and feeling "things" in the pit of my stomach, as one does when they get turned on. I remember when it would come to having crushes growing up, I never really had them, I just sort of picked a boy who was conventionally cute and just say I had a crush on them. I remember girls on elementary school would hold hands with their friends but I would always get nervous and refuse to hold my best friends hand because I would get really nervous, anxious almost. When I was 12 I had a crush on one of my junior coaches who was in high school, and I know it's a crush now bc I know what a crush feels like. I remember finding porn for the first time and dicks ways freaks dme out. I just never felt anything for boys the way I did (and still do) feel about girls. One of my friends thinks it's because I haven't had very much experience with girls and that's the only reason that I find myself more attracted to them. But I honestly have no idea, and sometimes it takes someone else to tell me what's right in front of my face for me to understand (hahahahahha). I have kissed boys and one girl and the only way I can describe it is kissing boys has been like "ohhh" and kissing the girl was like "WOW" but the thing is that I think I've liked boys before, I notice when a boy is cute or hot, and I have had real true like feelings for 2 boys, grated this was a few years ago and I actually have 0 feelings for any boys, I'm starting to think I liked the attention the boys gave me and not the bos themselves? I don't even know if that makes sense!! . I guess, the point in this post is, am I a lesbian? I am starting to think so, but after hearing me out, what do you think? Thanks!
Two words - Peer pressure. Another two - Societal normality. The four of these words apply greatly here. Basically you wish to conform to the norm. The school system demands this greatly. All I can say is it doesn't matter what your friends say or what anyone else says for that matter, all that matters is how you feel. I'm not going to say your definately a lesbian or straight or whatever. All I'll I say is only you can define who you are. Coming out is a long process which can only start by coming out to yourself. The way to find that out it by experimenting, talk to someone you know who is openly LGBTQ and try to gauge how they got to where they are. Good luck on your journey and I hope you find happiness. Thanks for sharing x
Well think of it the opposite way to put it into prospective.If you used to have feelings for girls mostly and lately you had feelings for guys mostly (or only) would you consider yourself straight? Just because these two years were only about one gender? Not that you have to label yourself but I would say you are probably bi. I think I get through questionable fases too so I understand your concern. For me it's like it's all about guys and then boom I have a crush on a girl and for a while I forget about the guys. But that doesn't make me a lesbian but probably bi. Still don't overthink it just go with the feelings you have every time whether it's about a boy or a girl.
You can subscribe to the absolute of being either or, straight or homosexual, as if it is impossible to be both. Or, as mentioned, you could consider the possibility that bisexuality actually exists. My wife wears a T-Shirt that says "I am Real!". She is bisexual. She is both straight and homosexual. And she has been so for over 25 years. it is not a phase. Be well.
