Hi so I'm 17 and for the last few years I've been questioning my sexuality. I always fell hard for guys. It was never the super hot ones but rather the laid back nice ones. Someone told me that meant I was a lesbian a few years ago and since then I've been questioning a lot. I basically have liked guys since I can remember. I always had to get close to them emotionally first, but after that I would fantasize about them sexually and hope they would date me etc... ever since that person said that to me I've been thinking and realized that I did fancy some girls when I was younger. Like I loved hermine in Harry Potter and I kissed a lot of my friends in elemnatry school. I've always loved the female body. It's hot! I feel like I'm bisexual because when I say that I feel confident and happy, but I also have anxiety that I'm i denial about being a lesbian. Like when I don't worry about it I crush on boys and like girls too, but as soon as I start obsessing about it my attraction to men fades and I feel anxious all of the time. What's wrong with me lol. It's so annoying like it's all I think about and it's killing me! Also please tell me honestly if you think I'm gay or bi. I'd really like to hear what others think. To give you more of an idea, I had my first crush on a girl this year but I also had a crush on my male co worker. I'm more attracted to her body, but I just really like him and want to be intimate with him which confuses me haha. I'm also afraid to have sex with a man because I'm afraid I'm too ugly and fat and I worry that I won't enjoy it.
Good news is, what your feeling is normal! If sexuality and identity were cut and dry, it would save a lot of people a lot of worry. But unfortunately for many of us (myself included) there's a period of time when you're really not sure. My best advice would be to not get too caught up in the labels. Don't be with someone because you feel like you have to in order to fit into a certain label. Be with whoever makes you happy, who you are attracted to. Also know that even if you label yourself one thing now, you are never locked into that for life. When I first came out to someone, I simply said I was someone in the middle of the scale between gay and straight, because that's the label I was comfortable with at the time. I now know I am way more at the gay end of things, and identify as a lesbian. I spent years trying to be attracted to men, and trying to make things happen, most of which I honestly regret. Trust yourself, and your heart - and don't stress the labels! That's my best advice.
From a guy's perspective... the way you talk about liking boys sounds like the real thing. The kind that might be built into you and won't go away. So not totally gay. You really do sound like a good example that bisexuals do exist. (Some question it, but really do you have to wait until the end of a person's life to say what they were way back when?) About all that body anxiety: when you're making out, the way you look from a distance is just not relevant anymore.
Maybe I'm in the same boat? I don't know. I'm super sexually attracted towards women - physically wise, that is. But I find the personalities of some men far more interesting and exciting.
Whether you're gay or bisexual or lesbian, etc. can only really be determined by you. You can even date or have sex without being attracted to someone, so you can be a straight man and still have sex with another man. Other people will be like "Whhaaaaa no" but if you're not attracted to men but have sex, that's their problem. Action =/= orientation. If you like guys and you like girls, then go with bi or pan; if you're straight and you just appreciate the beauty of a female body, then go with straight. There's nothing wrong with either. I'm bi/pan because I'm sexually attracted to people regardless of gender. Labels are things we use to explain faster because if we all explained our exact gender and sexuality that's all we would ever get done. It sounds like you're more self conscious than actually in denial. You say you like men, so you like men. You say you fancy women, so you fancy women. There's no need to be in denial. If you decide later on that you didn't actually like the guys, change your orientation, it's really not a big deal. Best of luck!
