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Still questioning...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by thinkanddream, Mar 26, 2017.

  1. thinkanddream

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Recently, I got a date (from a queer dating app). The girl was lovely and so nice. She seemed to like me a LOT. But I didn’t really feel anything towards her. She kept complimenting me and I just felt uncomfortable. I was so anxious. My mother forced me to allow her and dad to come with me. I would go on my date and they were going to go to dinner in the very close vicinity. I was so anxious. I cancelled the date.

    I don’t like a lot of girls. I don’t know if I want to actually date a girl. I know that I’m not interested in any way in dating men. In my mind I want to date women. In my mind I find women soooo attractive. When I watch my queer shows and listen to my queer music, I’m more affirmed in my thoughts. I feel like I’m only gay in my head. Once it comes to the real world, I’m too scared or uncomfortable to actually act on my thoughts.
    I don’t know if I’m just asexual, aromantic, confused, got a lot of intense commitment issues or I’m just in a bad situation with my family. Every girl I talk to online, I don’t really like that much. They’re nice but none of them make me want to fall over myself to ask them out. I never went through that super obsessed with girls (or boys) stage. I don’t see girls and instantly think about how hot they are. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to be straight and I don’t really think I’m ace. Maybe it’s just because I’ve never been in a relationship or that my parent’s messed up marriage has affected me more than I thought?
     
  2. Really

    Full Member

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    There's nothing wrong with you.

    You might be expecting more from your encounters with women than is reasonably likely to happen. Most people don't feel something right off the bat. The girl you were talking to was most likely just more experienced in the dating world and just trying to be nice and break the ice with you.

    It's perfectly normal to want to get to know someone "organically" in order to find out if there really is a spark. Just think about how you make friends. The relationship progresses gradually and only some of the people you make friends with become close, right? Why should it be any different with romantic partners? You get to know this person, realize they are super nice to be around, find you don't want to be apart from them and then...bazinga!

    Takes times, right? Don't put pressure on yourself to conform to some imaginary "standard". You'll get there when you get there.

    Are there any lgbt groups around you? Maybe joining an activity group would be easier for now just to meet and be around other lesbians/bi girls. Then try dating again. Maybe without the parents making you nervous this time. :wink:
     
  3. Worker Bee

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Manchester
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I totally agree with Really.

    If you're feeling anxious it's hard to feel anything else. Don't be so hard on yourself. You'll get there