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Bisexual or just imagining things?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by LunaMare, Mar 27, 2017.

  1. LunaMare

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    Hey so I'm sorry for yet another post like this, even though I know that no one has the answer but me. I would just like some opinions before I decide to talk about it with someone I know.

    I'm a 20 year old girl and for as long as I can remember the idea of being bisexual has been somewhere in the back of my head. I just never really admitted it to myself until recently. Now I've finally accepted that the idea of being with a woman attracts (so does lesbian porn and erotic fiction). The problem is that I just don't develop feelings for someone very fast. I've never been in a relationship and never had sex for that matter. I've had some crushes but they were always boys and never led anywhere, but now I think I might have had them for girls as well but just didn't really realise it at the time, is that even possible? The few times I kissed boys I really enjoyed it and I did kiss a girl once but to be honest I was just too drunk to really know how I felt about it.

    One part of me wants to tell this to everyone so I can explore my sexuality because I have no idea how I could ever find a woman I like that likes me back while I'm in the closet (internet dating is not really my thing). But another part of me is scared this is just something I'm imagining scince I've never actually had feelings for a girl and I don't want to come out if it really is a phase or something because that way I would be just another confused girl that makes sure no one takes actual bisexuals serious.
    Is it possible I just want to be bisexual while I am not? is that a thing?

    It's not like I'm really afraid people might react badly if I told them but still the idea freaks me out. I'm sure it would come as a suprise but I've always been quite open about my support for LGBTQ+ rights so I know my friends and families opinions. I just don't want people to look at me differently.

    Hope this makes any sense and someone can help me out a little
     
  2. Adhafera

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    Hi LunaMar! Welcome to EC!

    I'm afraid I can't help you much given that I'm almost exactly in the same boat as you right now (I can relate to a lot of what you've said ) and I feel stuck.
    If I come up with any advice or figure something out myself I'll let you know, but for now I just wanted to wish you luck! You're definitely not alone.

    I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. I'm sure other members will be able to offer better advice and support though! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Quantumreality

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    Hey LunaMar,

    Only you can ever truly know your own sexuality. And, frankly, it isn't really important to know your sexuality for anyone except yourself.

    You are who you are. You love who you love. You can't really fight it, you just need to know it in order to be comfortable with who you are.

    Porn/erotica isn't a good indicator of sexuality because it is artificial and evokes different responses in a person's brain than actual, physical sexual attraction.

    Bisexuality can be very complicated both in terms of understanding your own attractions and in terms of acceptance by others. Understanding yourself mostly requires that you just truly listen to what your body tells you in terms of your attractions. Getting understanding within the community is much more complicated. In many places, biphobia is prevalent. Whether that is because of ignorance or outright prejudice, many people don't believe that bisexuality exists, others think it is merely a stepping stone to 'admitting' your own homosexuality, still others think that bisexuals are unable to be faithful/monogamous and are 'greedy' for 'wanting' sexual relations with both genders. In short, it's rarely an easy road for bisexuals.

    From that standpoint, I would suggest that it is generally better to just stay 'publicly' in the closet about your bisexuality. If you find a same-sex lover or significant other, you can always Come Out, if you choose to do so. Otherwise, I guess I would just ask: what is the point of Coming Out until/unless you feel compelled to do so?

    My 2cents.:slight_smile:
     
  4. WeDreamOfPeace

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    Note - bisexuality doesn't mean you are attracted to most/all of each sex. I'm not attracted to most people, actually... not to mention I've never really been in a relationship either. Cutting a long story short, it's just something you know... when you know it's not just a phase, that this is you. Kinda weird to describe.

    Let you decide who you are and who you like.

    Oh, and I expected everyone around me to freak out at being bi, they all treat me the exact same way!

    Peace
     
  5. Lexa

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    Sometimes it takes time to really know. The mind is complicated. But if you have been in in doubt for years that's an indicator. I was in doubt for years too. I called it a bisexual phase for years. Until I realized I wasn't imagining things, it was real in my case.

    I also wanted to add. If you discover you're bi and you choose not to come out because you're not in a same-sex relationship, you also pay a price for it. You still have to hide and sometimes maybe even lie... And that's not a healthy thing to do in the long run. You can never be really yourself. I underestimated the consequences of hiding.
     
  6. LunaMare

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    Hey! No worries because you did help me! Just knowing I'm not alone in this is such a great relief :grin:

    ---------- Post added 1st Apr 2017 at 09:44 PM ----------

    Thanks for the help. I feel like I do know but then on the other side I feel so strange because I don't know how I can know (if that makes sense). Like I have no reason to think like this because I have so little experience

    ---------- Post added 1st Apr 2017 at 09:52 PM ----------

    Thank you. Your comment makes me want to talk about this even more because I do think I should talk to a real life friend to help me figure things out and I hate hiding my feelings because usually I'm an open book. Any suggestions on how I could explain to someone I think I'm bisexual without really making it too 'official'? And how did you figure out it was not a 'phase' (even though I'm starting to be more sure everyday, I'm still in doubt)?

    ---------- Post added 1st Apr 2017 at 10:02 PM ----------

    Thanks a lot. I know being bisexual is not always accepted or misunderstood and that's what makes it harder for me to talk to someone. I'm actually feeling more and more confident about being bisexual everyday (exept on some days where I feel like I took 10 steps backwards) but because of these misconceptions of bisexuals, I'm afraid that if I label myself too soon and change my mind afterwards, I will proof those people with wrong ideas right and add to the problem.

    I understand what you say about why telling someone if I'm not in a same sex relationship but I'm just not sure that's what I want. If I never tell anyone, how can I ever further explore my sexuality and be happy? because I really hate not being able to tell someone how I feel
     
  7. Quantumreality

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    Hey LunaMa,

    I understand completely what you are saying.

    In terms of not Coming Out to anyone, that wasn't really where I was going with my suggestion. I should have been clearer. What I was suggesting was that there isn't necessarily any reason to just 'publicly' proclaim that you are bisexual, but there is certainly no reason not to Come Out to friends and family if you are tired of hiding your sexuality and feel ready to do so. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Patchworksock

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    Hey LunaMar,

    The best thing to do is be yourself, it doesn't matter if it's just a phase as long as you can feel comfortable doing it, because at the end of the day, a phase is just a period of time until you find something that better suits you, and if you do still feel like you are bi, then that's great, and if you don't, then that's still great!

    Its your life and your choice.
     
  9. LunaMare

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    Hey thanks a lot! great advice for those days I'm overthinking everything :slight_smile: though I'm thinking less and less everyday that it's a phase and realising my 'doubts' are actually just denial. I'm hope I'll feel comfortable with myself soon
     
    #9 LunaMare, Apr 3, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2017
  10. PalindromeMary

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    I was about to reply the exact same thing as Adhafera. I'm 21 & have been feeling the same recently. I can't help with advice, but it's great to know what I'm feeling is valid. I have no idea how I'd meet someone new and be able to explore my sexuality, but I think that's the only way I could move forwards from this point.
    I hope you feel comfortable with yourself soon too x
     
  11. LunaMare

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    Hey thanks a lot for making me feel less alone! I'm sure we will figure things out when we are ready for it. I've been thinking and overthinking to much for the last few months and it has really been taking a toll on me. But then a few days ago I've decided that for now I try not to think about it too much. I'm just going to be open to the idea and see where that leads me. I have to say that it has made me calm down a lot and see things more clearly :grin:
     
  12. Zen fix

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    Your descriptions of your uncertainty about same sex attractions echoes my experience as well. Looking back I realize that there were guys I had feelings for but it wasn't the same as when I felt attracted to a woman. I had no frame of reference for the same sex attraction so I just sort of brushed it aside because I didn't know what it meant. It was really confusing.
    Now that I'm more open to my own non-hetero sexuality it is becoming less confusing. I'm realizing that while the feelings seem to register differently for different genders that it is still ultimately attraction. Hope that makes sense.

    It's good to take a step back from it once in awhile. You can drive yourself nuts.
     
  13. PalindromeMary

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    I think this is what I need to do! Will let you know how that goes... :icon_bigg
     
  14. LunaMare

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    wow yes that makes so much sense! Thank you so much and I will definitely keep that in mind :grin:

    ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2017 at 11:47 PM ----------

    Yeah please let me know :slight_smile: and if you figure out another way I'd love to hear it