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Homophobia and abusive behavior triumph over me

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Confusedfellow2, Mar 28, 2017.

  1. Confusedfellow2

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2017
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    Location:
    san diego
    I am 20 years old in college and have never been in any kind of relationship before, I met this guy through a friend who is physically identical to me and I always wanted to have a friend that was like that. So we started hanging out often and I really started feeling a connection with him almost like he was a long lost brother or something, he always seemed slightly flamboyant to me as his best friend is a girl (who happens to be a trashy slut who I find quite annoying), he walks with a slight twist in his hips and dresses with a sense of fastidious fashion much like myself.

    We started working out together and hanging out constantly which was really fun, but then out of nowhere he started to ignore me and treat me like dirt, he would constantly blow me off and not respond to my texts...I finally called him out on it and we had a talk and in that talk I explained to him how I felt about him and that I was curious for him, he said he said that my kindness and openness towards him and the fact that I never would blow him off or treat him badly was weird and overwhelming! He said all his life people were not very nice to him and that he enjoyed being around women more then men...he claimed he felt no attraction towards me but I cant help but feel like the reason he told me that was to deflect me because he was afraid that if he kept consistently seeing me he would eventually feel something and that would go against everything that he had been around and been taught...Given what he told me it seems his life has been a case of abuse and emptiness and he has buried his emotions because he was not in a positive environment.

    Given his flamboyant mannerisms and his hallow promiscuous behavior I find it hard to believe that he is straight and that he would never feel anything for me, I do not understand why he is choosing to run away from someone like me who truly likes him and wants to help him get out of such a horrible lifestyle. at this point I just want to be there for him and be his friend and show him how much better his life would be if invested his time with people like me rather than trashy girls/people who treat him like crap and step all over him. It is so crazy to me though that he acknowledged that I am a great person and that he hangs around such awful people because he likes the fact that they can relate with promiscuous behavior. the reason he is doing this is because he has been conditioned to be homophobic.

    Im sad and depressed because it is so obvious that he needs someone like me in his life to show him what is actually right and healthy. It is hard to move on when you know you can seriously help someone, when your influence and affection is exactly what they need to be healthy and happy...

    I know he is a lost cause at this point but I just wanted to share this experience, let me know if you had a similar experience in your life and how it ended.