Hey all, first post. Need some

Alright, this is my first post so please be easy on me.

A little background story on me. For the longest time I was one of those hardcore conservatives that would have mocked a laughed at a site like this and its people. Gender-fluidity, trans people, gay culture, etc. I just thought it wasn't right and that was the end of it. Anyways, I'm not really laughing anymore because I think it's happening to me, or at least something is. It's kind of frightening, and some part of me thinks it's some sort of payback karma, all served up in some sweet, poetic justice. Besides all that, I'm kind of intrigued as to where it's going.

Recently I've been changing my style to a little more feminine. I'm not wearing women's clothes in public, but just guy's clothes with a female twist that compliments my already feminine figure - and it feels right! Now, this isn't really an issue, as there's a lot of guys that do this, but when I intoxicate myself with this trance, I've started fantasizing about men. Cuddling with them, kissing, etc. So what, right? Everyone's a little "bi-curious" I suppose. That's what I kept telling myself until I started buying more feminine clothes online and started stashing them in my closet. I wouldn't dare start wearing them in public, but I've been getting a nice rush while wearing them in secret. I would come home from the office, take off my suit, apply makeup to my face, then do up my hair and I would make myself look cute. I also bought a dildo and positioned it on my wall.

For about a few weeks, I would come home, do my routine, and I would practise oral on it - and I would get off on it! It's getting to the point that I'm watching the clock at work because I just want to get home and repeat. Now, I'm trying to be rational about this; I want to find logical reasons why this behaviour has over taken me. It's like, I like the idea of being submissive for a man and the thought of being dominated by one turns me on and fascinates me. It's strange to think this, because when I'm with women, I'm the one who has to dominate. I have to be in control. Maybe I'm just coming home and "pretending" that I'm the girl and I'm the dildo I'm coming home to is me? Is that a thing? If so, that doesn't explain why I've been having fantasies of being submissive to a man - sexually. I mean, the idea is a fantasy, but if I ever saw a real man dick, I'd probably blush, then run away in terror. However, with the all being said, I believe I'm straight. Don't you have to actually act on it to not be straight anymore?

Obviously, I'm having these mental conversations with myself while I'm dressed like a cute girl with my hair all done up with a dildo in my face, asking myself "what the hell are YOU doing?" But I just persist. It's feels like I'm under some voodoo curse or I'm hypnotized, or I have no control over my body. I just do it.

I sound pretty messed up, but I know what's happening isn't unique to just me. Just looking for some input. Thanks, everyone!

 

Thanks for the reply! The reason why I consider myself straight, is because I'm still attracted to women, and I really like sex. I've heard stories of men getting so honey that they pursue sex with other men and they still consider themselves "straight." I don't know if this is a phase or if I'm having gender confusion issues, or whatever. Maybe I'm just some sexual degenerate? If I can pinpoint the urges, I'd probably say they increased when I started to become attracted to people - people, not gender based. After that, the doors opened.

I think I'm over thinking it, though.