Okay, so. New things have developed. Facial hair, steady income, homosexual tendencies. Yep new things. Alright, so I've been stealth at my job for almost a year now. And I've noticed that men (at least some of my coworkers) are very touchy feely. I don't do physical contact. Not even from my own mother. My younger brother is an exception because we wrestle and stuff, but other than that I maintain a large space cushion. I've not said anything against it in order to fit in and I honestly have no idea how I'm supposed to respond to these things. But yeah, all these shoulder pats and back rubbings were weirding me out but now they're causing a different reaction entirely. If reminds me of when I was in high school and this one senior girl would randomly sit on my lap or drape herself across me and I got warm and tingly. Only now it's incredibly awkward because my boss just touched my back and for some reason I'm feeling it in my pants??? I've started to have a constant montra of don't look gay whenever I'm in the restroom and I'm pretty sure I'm failing. Like this is bad guys like crap I don't even know. They girls locker room didn't bug me this much! And it goes beyond that. I think I may have my first male crush or at least attraction. And it's entirely physical. I've never been physically attracted to anyone before! I've had emotional attractions before but they were all girls. I thought I was ridding the straight bus? I'm not not attracted to women, but it's a certain type. Though I'm finding that men vary and are plentiful. I don't know when I ended up in this new closet, but I'm sure not hard pressed to leave it anytime soon. Excepting that I'm a man was one thing. That I'm now a man and may also like men is a whole new ball game.
