Confusion

Honestly, I'm kinda the same way. As you can see, my sexuality listed is a bit over-complicated, but it fits me. Honestly, I know it feels good to be able to say who you are, but labels are so restrictive and annoying that sometimes it's better to give up on them and kind of just say "i love whoever i fall in love with", you know? Labels do bring me some comfort, but they usually end up causing me confusion because I then feel like I have to live up to some kind of standards.

The best advice I could probably give you is to not worry about a label, but if you feel you'd prefer to have a label then perhaps stick with bi, or change it to gay if that's what you're comfortable with! Sexuality can be a fluid thing for many people, so just focus on how you feel and do what you deep down know is true.

 

Hey Theshreks

If you have any level of romantic and sexual attraction to both men and women, you would technically still be bisexual. As dyl pickle said, though, labels aren't really important. Just do what feels right to you. If you like being with guys, be with guys. If you want to try being with women, then try that. Just listen to your heart and go with the flow.

I don’t think you should worry about not being able to ‘perform’ sexually beforehand. As you said, if you have that ‘spark’ with someone, then you know it’s worth taking a shot at a relationship with them.

I don’t know if that helps.

Just my 2cents.

 

Hey,

It's been a while. Welcome :welcome: back

My quick response is that you don't have to pick a label if you don't feel ready to do so. A label is a tool, much like a computer or hammer, that allows you to convey quickly your sexual orientation and guide your own behavior. If you aren't ready to pick between gay and bisexual, then won't worry about it now.

I do suggest that you start collecting data to help you understand your sexuality. From what you've written, it sounds like your attraction to guys is stronger than your attraction to gals. Would you agree? If so, maybe the best way is to figure out your sexuality is to find a guy that you are attracted to and start dating him. This will give you experiences that you can use as data to understand your attractions.

Internal homophobia does make it difficult to accept ourselves as bisexual or gay, so you probably want to work on that. Here's a blog that I wrote describing some of the things that I did to overcome shame and internalized homophobia - Healing the shame of being gay

I have a busy weekend, so I'll reply sporadically.

 

Correct. What you describe is typical for somebody who is still accepting their sexuality. Once you get more comfortable with the idea of having attractions to guys, you'll be able to see yourself having romantic relationships as well. For purposes of this thread, I'm going to assume that you have equal attractions to guys and gals. Perhaps that changes over time as you learn more, but for now, that's a great starting point. (If you were inclined, bisexual (Kinsey 3) would be the accurate label to use).

For now, don't worry about what other people think. When you masturbate without porn, offline and by yourself, do you fantasy more about guys, gals, or equally?

Be sure to checkout the blog link. I think that might help you start accepting that you like guys or at least get you to start thinking about it.

 

If you're actually sexually attracted to girls, you're probably still bisexual- at least currently. Lack of romantic attraction for guys could be due to not really accepting your sexuality yet. I think most gay/bi people don't feel any romantic attraction at first since we're told that same-sex romance is wrong.

I was one of those people who identified as bisexual before realizing I was gay- so it can indeed happen. It just really depends on whether you'd be attracted to the idea of sleeping with the opposite sex at all. For me, It's a turn-off to even attempt it, so that's the biggest clue.

 

Honestly, not every gay person is disgusted by sex with the opposite sex. But most of them will either find it unenjoyable or will feel like passion is missing.

I actually am kind of repulsed by the idea of sex with the opposite sex though, but only if I'm involved in it. I can hear/look at straight sex and feel entirely neutral, but imagining myself involved...just seems wrong. It's a huge turn-off. Maybe that's why it made it easier to figure out.

I thought I had crushes on boys growing up (I'm female), but it never felt genuine. It was something I had to do in middle school to fit in with girl talk. And the crushes I did have were usually on animated/cartoon guys; probably because so many of them were much more girly looking than guys in person. It was pretty obvious to me early on that I couldn't get turned-on by masculine features at all.

 

Given that you are young and single, I suggest that you start dating. Try and find somebody you like and get to know them. They can be of either gender. You could even do something scary like join your school's LGBT group as a baby step towards meeting guys. Once you start dating, you'll begin to get a sense of your type and whether you prefer guys, gals, or have equal preference. This is a situation where analysis seems to have stalled and taking action will help clarify things.

PS - I know this probably scares you, which is exactly why you need to do it. See the third line of my sig.

 

I know it's hard, but it's not going to get any easier tomorrow or the next day. Why don't you join the LGBT group today or tomorrow? You'll feel a lot better once you do. All you have to do is walk through the door and say "Hi I'm Theshreks <or your name in real life>, and I'm bisexual." Or maybe it's just a matter of sending an email. It's the internalized homophobia doing the talking in the last thread, and the best thing to do is act despite the fear and doubt. Otherwise you risk waking up one day married with children still questioning.

 

I know this is scary, so maybe you can break it down. Why don't you find the LGBT group's web site and see how to contact them. Maybe you can reach out to them via email or phone call.

So what if someone knows you were there? Why does that bother you? If you are bisexual then you're bisexual. It's who you are and you don't need to fear it or apologize for it.