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Confused about sexuality but in a relationship

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by confusecomitted, Apr 1, 2017.

  1. confusecomitted

    Regular Member

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    Hey guys! To make a long story short I have a boyfriend and I think I might be realizing I'm a lesbian. I mean, I have always masturbated to lesbian porn/fantasies (straight porn is boring as hell) though I've never been attracted to a girl in real life. I have always had boy crushes and I have had straight fantasies, fewer, but more frequent in the latest years. I love my boyfriend, I love sex with him because of the intimacy (I even like doind blowjobs because he smiles so widely afterwards), I think he's the most handsome guy in the world (and also the best person in the history of mankind) but I rarely have the sexual urge to be with him (I can remember like 5 occasions in which I had the HOTS for him, and although I think he has a beautiful body and I love admiring it, the sight does not arouse my physically). I have not been high on sex drive for a while (more than a year actually, since I had an affair that ended up badly with a guy who, admitely, made me feel HOT), and it's been quite a while since I don't masturbate to lesbian fantasies at all but this week some craziness has come to me and I felt super excited about the idea of lesbian sex and thought that titilating excitement is missing from my relationship. I've never been with a woman (I've cogitated but never felt like it was the thing to do), but I read so much finding out later in life stories on the web that I'm almost convinced that this is my story too.

    I hate that because it means I'll probably lose my soulmate and the best person I've ever met. This is all so awful. Honestly I'm not a religious person, but if there's a god out there he's a sadistic asshole just for putting this amazing person in my life to have him taken away from me and making me suffer and making me hurt him.

    I don't know what to do yet as I'm not yet ready to tell him and lose him, but I've never felt so lost in my life.