To get right into it, I think I've always kind of repressed my feelings towards women. I guess anything towards how we feel about sex is kind of repressed though, at least its getting better... maybe... I'm not sure because I've been living in the Midwest for the past few years and I don't know how it is anymore, haha ... But seriously it's not great for anyone in the LGBTQ community. We're moving to the northwest in a couple month though, I'm so fricken glad! Anyways! Sometimes when I'm really close to an attractive friend and I think about making out with her and it makes me really uncomfortable because I don't want them to know that I'm thinking that way about them to make them uncomfortable. I don't think I could bare the rejection. And I'm terrified that if I ever tried to make out with a woman or when it leads to sex, she thinks I'm gross or something. This is something I struggled with with men as well, I still do... but that's just self esteem issues. One day you feel really pretty the next you feel like a piece of trash lol. And I find myself thinking about women a lot lately, well and I also found that I'm also attracted to transgender male and female. I'm not as educated on terms of identities as i should be.... but I just feel open to everyone lately and It's really freeing... but It makes me sad because I don't feel like I can express this with out feeling like I'm making people uncomfortable, i don't want to be rejected either... I JUST FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD LOVE ANYONE WE WANT TO... haha... really what is wrong with loving people?! I'm still vain though and need to be attracted to someone inside and out, but mainly I'm attracted to the way someone is. However another thing is now I'm married and I'm struggling with conflicts of "what is cheating." We've talked about it a few times (its Possible I'm not as open about it as I should be.... but its something that's difficult to say... because you're supposed to stick to one is what I think people feel is right to them.... but I don't know if that's how I feel) ... of course he's into the idea of me being with a woman... I just don't know if i want to experience only the sexual side of it, and I love my husband and I don't want to be with anyone else full time. I'm just struggling with the idea of whats right and my happiness as well and how I really feel. On the other hand he's into at least the idea, but at the same time is he really into it or does he just want a threesome because that's what porn tells him he should do? And I always feel so trapped in the what society thinks. Also I don't want to hurt anyone involved.
