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i wonder if i am on the wrong path, thinking i am a lesbian

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by citymetro, Apr 3, 2017.

  1. citymetro

    Regular Member

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    i apologize if i am not explaining this well, to be fair this is my first post, but thank you very much for listening

    i have known for a very long time that i liked girls as a fellow girl (though i feel now very strongly non binary), um, i had thought i was bi for a long time but i began to think about how much men made me uncomfortable and scared, and that if i were to end up with a relationship with a man i would have terrible trust issues and i would always feel like something was off and wrong and i would not be happy. if i like a man sometimes maybe it is because in this society people seen as girls are so normalized in liking people seen as boys, and those are not true feelings
    i came out as strictly a lesbian because i thought this would be the right path, and i still feel it is, but i worry more and more that maybe i do like boys, and i am supposed to end up with one, and i am being unfair --- maybe all the feelings for deeply loving girls i have had until now were actually the untrue ones. i really like girls i believe this! i do not want to end up with a boy, i believe this too! but could i truly fall in love with a girl, could i be in a healthy and strong romantic relationship with one, am i really just meant to be alone without finding a clear answer, have i expected too much. have i really internalized so much refusal to be happy in liking woman that this is messing with everything, or am i missing something important
    thank you very much for everything, i hope you are all feeling well ^___^
     
  2. covert direwolf

    Regular Member

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    Questioning
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    Some people
    I think you explained yourself fairly well, don't worry. :slight_smile:

    I once thought I liked guys too, but when I thought about it, I realized I didn't. If you get a slight difference between your feelings for guys and girls or the other way around, this may be of use to you.

    When I think I like a guy, I get really nervous. I used to think that this feeling of butterflies in my stomach and feeling a little sick meant I liked them, but it turns out that it wasn't. I've never found men hot, only girls. I only was "attracted" to a guy after I had gotten to know him, and was nervous mostly because I was afraid of messing up the friendship, but I never knew this. It's worth noting that I had no idea that I have social anxiety, and that was the nervous feeling. I know how to recognize my anxiety now, and have realized that I feel it quite often, so this might not be a very accurate comparison. However, if this does help clear something up for you, I'm glad.

    Then there are girls. There's this one girl that every time I see her, I feel like my heart stops and the world pauses. There's only her and me, and I'm drawn to her in a way that I've never been drawn to anyone before. I'd do anything for her not because she's done something for me, but because she is an amazing human being that deserves so much in life. When I started developing feelings for her, I finally understood why the heart was the place that love is symbolically represented. She never ceases to leave me breathless in a good way, no matter what she says or does.

    So this is the difference in my experience. But if this helps you or not, in the end, you have to decide for yourself the way you feel. And be honest, because wearing a mask only fools people on the outside, and you don't want to be on your own trying to make sense of who you are. You're the only one who knows how you feel, and I wish you luck. (*hug*)
     
  3. citymetro

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    this is really good advice, i dont know how to thank you properly! i think the way you described everything was oddly perfect for what i was thinking of when making the post, i promise i appreciate it