I'm straight but I'm worried

Hey straightgirll,

Welcome to EC!

It’s not at all unusual to be scared when we begin questioning our sexuality. It’s a big deal for us to even consider internally that we might be other-than-heterosexual.

Only you can ever truly understand your own sexuality, but I believe it is important that each of us do so in order to be comfortable with ourselves.

Appreciating beauty in someone of the same-sex or finding them aesthetically pleasing is not an indicator that someone might have homosexual tendencies. If you just really like the way this girl looked in the old TV show, there isn’t a real need to wonder about your sexuality. If it was something more than that, then perhaps you want to work better understand that side of yourself.

Can you describe what it is/was about this one particular actress that makes you think that you might have an attraction to her? Do think that beyond noticing her more that you usually notice other women, that you might have romantic and/or sexual feelings towards her?

 

Well, honestly, straightgirll,

You don't describe anything that would seem to indicate that you are other than heterosexual. You say that you noticed/really liked the way she wears her hair. Does she bring the word "cute" or "pretty" to your mind?

If she doesn't stir up any romantic or sexual attractions in you that you can identity, it would seem that there isn't anything more significant there.

 

Why is this terrifying to you?

 

Hey straightgirll,

I'd recommend that you just try to relax and listen to what your body is telling you. It sends pretty clear signals about your attractions when you are open to listening with your mind.

There is certainly nothing wrong with you if you figure out that you might be romantically (and/or sexually) attracted to other women. Sometimes the heteronormative environment that we grow up in (including societal, religious, etc influences) lead up to assume that we are heterosexual and when we start to recognize that our bodies are telling us a different story, it can be quite confusing and there can be big mental blocks that we have to take down in order to understand and accept our sexuality as it really is.

Give this some time. Maybe explore a bit - perhaps simple things like hanging out in a public location for a while and observing the people to see whom your unconscious focus lands on (always men, occasionally women). If it is truly bothering you to the point of distraction, the best way to deal with this is probably to seek out the help of a counselor who can at least help you explore what you are feeling.

Just some thoughts.

 

Well, if you're straight, and you just took special notice of this one girl, then that sounds perfectly normal.

The reason that people get 'worried' and question their sexuality is most often because they are not completely heterosexual. There are other reasons of course, such as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders that can cause a cycle of such worries - that would be another reason to seek professional help, especially if this continues to bother you/nag at you as a continuing distraction in your life.

But from my non-hetero point of view, if you don't have any feelings that you would like to be intimate with her (or any other woman) (such as wanting to kiss her) and you don't have any sexual attraction to her (or any other woman), all you are describing is heterosexuality.

I don't know if I've helped you...

 

Hey straightgirll,

I would suggest that you give it some time and try to focus on understanding what it is about this situation that worries you the most.

Is it the idea that you might have some homosexual tendencies?

Is it the idea that you might have much more significant romantic and/or sexual attractions to her that you are subconsciously blocking out? (That wouldn't be unusual since, as I said before, growing up in a heteronormative society, we are often taught that such feelings are 'wrong.')


When we question our sexuality, it can take a long time to come to an understanding and acceptance of it - even if it turns out that you are comfortable still just identifying as heterosexual in the longrun.

Regardless of the depth of any attraction that you may actually feel towards this girl, the important thing is to understand yourself and be comfortable with who you are.

 

If you're interested, there are a couple of YouTube videos that talk about the nature of bisexuality that might be able to provide you some clues about your own sexuality:

Are You Bisexual - Quiz

How to Tell if You're Bisexual - Is Bisexuality a Choice?

 

Saying you are not bi or lesbian because you are straight sound a bit like denial, doesn't it. As if you don't want to be anything other then straight because of societal/family values for example.
But yeh, having fantasies about someone on tv doesn't mean you aren't straight anymore.
Perhaps you can try to honestly think about why you keep insisting you are straight and why you are scared about non straight fantasies?
And perhaps you can then when you are outside for example try to notice women more then usual and see what happens?

Good luck with figuring this out!

 

My first girl crush was a tv show character. I told myself for a long time she was just my favorite character cause i could identify with her storyline and that she was that powerful girl figure i wanted to be. Eventually i admitted to myself that i was obsessing over her like i would a guy crush. It wasn't until i noticed that my obsession was bordering on what i thought i would act about a boy that i began to seriously put time into questioning my sexuality and told myself it was okay to question it. It didn't mean i was gay it just meant it was okay to explore it. That's what i told myself at the time anyways.

It wasn't until i allowed myself to question, and eventually came on here, that i started connecting the dots, so to say. I remembered looking at girls in PE in middle school. But at the time i thought i was just 'comparing sizes' so to say if anything, and thought i was being very rude and inappropriate so i just repressed it. Hurriedly looked away feeling ashamed, confused. I would get crushes on boys but it was always very innocent, there was never a sexual component to it. The idea of kissing a boy, of seeing one shirtless, (and eventually) of doing anything intimate with a boy...it just didn't do anything for me. It was like "Okaaaay. And? So what?" sort of with me.

But anyways, with my guy crushes, I just thought they looked cute at the time and i never realized it till way later but they were always aesthetically pleasing, somewhat feminine guys that probably never worked out in their lives. I never did understand what other girls saw in a shirtless guy cause it never did anything for me, but i always thought i was simply being a good daughter to a traditional, religious family - prioritizing school over boys and all. But reality was i just didn't see the fuss over boys and couldn't admit to myself that it might be because i didn't like boys.

All this isn't saying that you're gay or bi or anything about you. I'm just telling my story cause who knows, maybe something will hit with somebody. Cause i was so fucking clueless its sad - i may as well have been asexual in highschool i was that repressed and i never saw it. It amazes me a little. I identified as straight that whole time and i would tell people when they asked that i was straight and believed it, i really believed it, but i guess the body knows what the mind doesn't cause it never felt right saying it.