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Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by DarkishShadow, Apr 13, 2017.

  1. DarkishShadow

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    I've always identified as bisexual, but lately I've been questioning it. I'm attracted to girls more than boys for sure, and when I have feelings for a girl, the feelings are stronger than any feelings I've had for a guy. If I imagine myself with a guy it seems sort of appealing and I would most likely be happy if I found the right guy, but being with a girl seems so much better. I used to push thoughts of girls out of my mind and convince myself I was straight, so maybe bisexual is sort of a bridge between straight and gay?

    What do you think? Am I bisexual with a preference or am I gay?
     
  2. Luise

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    Well, ultimately that for you to decide and discover, I suppose, but we all know that is a very unsatisfying response.
    From my experience, some gay people do indeed think they are bisexual at first, and vice versa- there are also bisexual people who think they are gay for a while. It happens, especially for people who do have a preference: It's pretty easy to think you are gay when your incidents of same-sex attraction vastly outnumber the times you were attracted to the opposite sex.
    You state you are attracted to guys, but what you feel for girls is 'better'. As far as I know - mind you, I'm not bi, so take everything I say with a grain of salt, but that's the way a pan friend of mine described it to me- attraction for bi/pan people can happen in different ways for different genders: The feelings you have for men need not be identical to the feelings you have for women for them to be valid. Yet the way my friend explained it to me, all these different forms of attraction are somehow 'equal'- there isn't one that feels 'better' or 'worse', they are just different. Said friend, for example, takes on different sexual roles in relationships to men and women, respectively, and is attracted to very different 'types' depending on gender. Depending on the kind of sexual relationship she's looking for right now, she can be very attracted to one gender at a time and less attracted to others.
    Maybe explore if that's what you feel: Attraction towards different genders in different ways, all of which are equally good, and can be experienced at different times in different intensities, which can be confusing.
    I'm a gay woman, and I don't feel totally repulsed by the thought of having sex with a guy. It doesn't send my running over the hills, screaming in terror, and waving a pride flag as I yell for Sappho to save me :lol: It's just sort of...meh. Yeah, sure, I could sleep with a guy, but cutting my fingernails would be just as enjoyable. It would be awkward, and weird, and I probably wouldn't enjoy myself much, but it's not the worst thing I can imagine happening. Is that what you feel when you think about sex with men? Because if that's what is happening, and not different types of attraction to different genders, I suppose you could start exploring the label 'gay'.
     
  3. AlexJames

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    This is something only you can figure out. With me, simply giving myself permission to question it and look at it helped a lot. In my case, for the longest time (ever since 6th grade really) i repressed it and explained it away. Out of confusion, shame, and fear i convinced myself during middle school that i did like guys - just a particular type of guy and that the attraction was, unlike my classmates, purely innocent. Growing up in a conservative, religious family and isolated to a mother-approved, conservative and preferably religious circle of friends meant that this was all i knew. I thought that i was just being the well behaved, dutiful daughter.

    What i'm trying to say is...just take some time, give yourself permission, and really think everything over. Let your mind, hell even your eyes, wander wherever it pleases when your out and about. That helped me a lot - not actively trying to convince myself of anything or repress or even label thoughts and opinions and glances when i was out and about. We can't tell you the answer, we can just talk and hope we help some. For me, i think it really is instinctual and our body, our brains, know it. but like with me i was too scared and ashamed to let myself consider it, so i talked myself out of it for the longest time. Most of my life really. Looking back there were so many signs all that time, all throughout middle and highschool, i just explained them away and ignored them, stubbornly sticking to the idea that i was just a modest straight girl. Despite the fact that even if people asked about my sexuality, and i told them completely believing it that i was straight, it never felt right. It just felt wrong rolling off my tongue.

    ---------- Post added 13th Apr 2017 at 02:19 PM ----------

    OMG YES. This is what confused me so much figuring out my sexuality. Well, that and my feminine guy crushes as a young teen. I didn't find a half naked guy attractive and i felt and thought nothing when it came to dicks...but that being said i could probably sleep with a guy, but like you said i don't think it would be appealing or all that enjoyable.
     
    #3 AlexJames, Apr 13, 2017
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  4. Luise

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    LunarLyric, it's so odd, right? It confused the heck out of me too. Especially since I know a gay guy who is basically just repulsed by the mere suggestion of sex with a woman.
    For the longest time, I thought you had to feel enormous repulsion to be able to rule out attraction to a gender, when, in fact, 'not being attracted to men' can mean just that: A lack of attraction. That doesn't mean you have extremely strong feelings against sex with men. Lack of attraction does not equal repulsion.
     
    #4 Luise, Apr 13, 2017
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