For my whole life, I've been so sure of my sexuality. I have always identified as gay, nothing more, nothing less. Now all of a sudden, I have these strange feelings for women that I've honestly never had before. I've admired female bodies in the past, but since I have identified as gay, I felt like I was simply admiring their body in an innocent/nonsexual way. I've even come out to a lot of people as gay because I was so sure. I stumbled some pornography where it's just women and I watched it "for fun" but when I began watching it, I started feeling sort of... turned on, as some say. I felt aroused? I'm not sure what I felt, but I've never felt it before, or never acknowledged it before. I've found myself coming back to the same type of pornography time and time again and I don't understand why. I've thought of it as a little phase or whatever. Then, two of my friends, who don't know each other, came to me completely separately and both told me that they had dreams where I ended up falling in love with a girl and came out as bisexual. This is all sort of terrifying for me. I hated questioning my sexuality back when I was younger, it was the lowest point of my life, and now it feels like I'm right back where I stared. :icon_redf
Hi Robishere, It's difficult to question your own sexuality, especially if you were sure that you're gay. I've had a brief phase when I started to feel something for a few girls. I was terrified as it was difficult for me to go through the 'questioning' stage again, especially since I accepted myself as gay and sort of enjoyed being gay. Fortunately it was only a brief phase and passed within a few weeks. As for the porn, I think that it's just your curiosity drawing you in. There's nothing wrong with that. Also, don't worry about your friends' dreams. It's probably nothing, most of the time they reflect on one's desires or fears, rather than foreshadowing future events. Even though it's difficult to question your sexuality, remember that there's nothing wrong with you and that this might just be a phase. I hope this helps you, take care.
Pornography is a poor indicator of sexuality, because its meant to be appealing. I firmly believe that sexuality is completely instinctual, natural, and that your day to day, spontaneous thought life and feelings can help you a lot to figure it out. You said that you had admired girls bodies before. How so? You don't have to provide details if you don't want to, i just mean it to be a question to think on. For me, i have always been able to acknowledge and aesthetically pleasing guy. Hell, at work as a cashier i can have a rather fit, nice looking guy come up to the register and i'll appreciate it and feel nervous about it. But that's as far as it goes, i've never had the thoughts about a guy that a straight girl would presumably have. I've always had them for girls, and its always been so spontaneous that i would get scared and ashamed and instantly ridicule myself for it. Like i'd wonder what a particular girl would look like shirtless, i'd wonder what it would be like to touch them. So for girls there's always been a sexual component there that i've never known for guys. Even when i was in middle school firmly convinced that i was just a modest good girl from a conservative christian family who of course was straight. I will admit the only sexual dreams i've had involved girls. I can count on one hand the amount I've had, but they did always involve girls never boys.
