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First gay experience. Now I totally regret it. Need help.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by davee1211, Apr 14, 2017.

  1. davee1211

    davee1211 Guest

    Hey there. Just joined and looking some advice as I don't know who else to talk to about this.

    During the last ten years I have masturbated a lot, mostly to straight porn but some times transexual or gay porn.

    Even though I have classed myself as bi Ive never been attracted to men but did find ts and gay porn exciting and arousing.

    Since Ive split with my ex I have been on and off sex sites quite often. At first I was always searching for women but when I never got any attention, I would then search for men because I found it easier and the attention i would get was a bit of an ego boost.

    Last week after more rejection from women I found myself chatting to men and basically out of being lonely and extremely horny I arranged to meet a guy.

    From the very start I knew this was different. With women I would get aroused from just being near someone but with this guy it took a bit of hand stimulation before anything happened. Anyway I had oral sex with this guy both ways to orgasm even though I felt absolutely no attraction. I did enjoy the actual sexual stimulation, it felt good but is it possible just feel sexual stimulation without being attracted to a certain gender?

    Now I feel really terrible as I feel Ive made a terrible mistake and Im really confused. I honestly think I could never have any sexual contact with a guy ever again. As i said earlier, I always thought of myself as being bi but now the thought of being with a guy again makes me feel sick(by the way, I don't mean this comment to offend).

    Im really confused? Am I mostly straight but found attention from men good because I was lonely or did most bi/gay guys find their first experience not what you hoped it would be.
     
  2. Gravity

    Full Member

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    To be honest, it sounds like you're trying to minimalize this and convince yourself you didn't make a choice here. You didn't just "end up talking to guys" - you chose to, the same way you chose to meet up with one.

    Now, that said - it's entirely normal to feel ashamed, embarrassed, and so on after your first time having sex with another man. We're taught in a lot of different ways that this is wrong, sinful, abnormal, and so forth. Given that, it's not surprising that you may have had trouble enjoying the situation, or feeling an attraction to the man himself - in any case, it sounds like it was a fairly casual meet up, so emotional attraction probably wasn't a factor. There's nothing wrong with this, of course, assuming you used protection.

    For now, I would try to go easy on yourself - you chose to meet up with another man for sex, and that's okay. People do that all the time, and there's nothing wrong with it. Maybe you learned something new about yourself, but you can take some time to process this and come to terms with what exactly it means for you - you don't have to have it all figured out right away. :slight_smile:
     
  3. PixieTink

    PixieTink Guest

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    davee1211,

    First off there is no shame in what you did at all and you should not feel like a terrible person for having oral sex with another man. What I feel happened here from reading your post is your ending a relationship with a woman and than went a period of time exploring thing with masturbating to all sorts of porn. After you felt this wasn't enough you tried sex sites and were not getting any attention from women. I really think this is what led an already curious and somewhat horny male to start talking to males. This then led to meeting up with one male who must have gave you attention on the site and there seemed to be some sort of chemistry going on while online or you wouldn't have went there. After that I think you knew exactly what was going to happen and it did. The oral sex itself with another male is nothing wrong with that, but it just didn't seem to work for you and that is perfectly fine. The thing is there is no reason to beat yourself up over it. It happened there is no turning back from it. Process it and from now on if you continue to feel the same way down the line about what you did than don't go there any longer.
     
  4. davee1211

    davee1211 Guest

    Thanks for the replies