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Does questioning my sexuality, by default, mean I'm gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by RockHopper, Apr 17, 2017.

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  1. RockHopper

    RockHopper
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    ...or at the very least, not straight?

    So yeah, does the fact that I'm even questioning my sexual orientation mean that I am gay or bi-sexual? Simply because a completely heterosexual person wouldn't be questioning it in the first place?
     
    #1 RockHopper, Apr 17, 2017
  2. looking for me

    looking for me
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    no, it just means you are questioning. it means that you are aware of yourself and your attractions or possible attractions. a great many people question and realize they are not gay, or bi or anything just plain old heterosexual just like the majority of people. all you need to do is be honest with yourself in your questions.
     
    #2 looking for me, Apr 17, 2017
  3. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Hey RockHopper,

    No, simply questioning your sexuality doesn't make you gay/bi. Being gay means that you have romantic and sexual attractions to members of the same gender.

    While, it's probably true that most straight people never question their sexuality (I've never seen an actual study that was done on that subject), I would tend to believe it is because they never have an event in their lives that cause them to question it. However, there are definitely straight people who have questioned their sexuality. In fact their are LGBTQ people who go through most of their lives never questioning that they are straight until later in life when there is an event that makes them realize that they are not straight (you can find many such stories in the LGBT Later in Life forum here on EC). So it kinda works both ways.

    Is there something specific that has happened in your life that might have caused you to start questioning your sexuality?
     
    #3 Quantumreality, Apr 17, 2017
  4. quebec

    quebec
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    RockHopper....Like your other responses, I agree that just questioning doesn't mean anything about your sexuality. What it does mean is that you are one of the very fortunate individuals who have made an effort to really learn who they are. Almost all LGBTQ individuals go through this as they realize that they are not fitting into the "norm" of society. I sure did! Very few straight individuals go through this because they do fit the norm and it just never occurs to them to investigate their inner feelings....to find out who they are. They are poorer for this lack...many never do come to know themselves.

    So, if you are straight then you are among the few and very fortunate. Learning who you really are, starting down the road of understanding yourself is sometimes a tough journey, but always a worthwhile one.

    And, if you are LGBTQ this self-examination will help you so much to learn about and accept yourself, no matter what society says.....David
     
    #4 quebec, Apr 17, 2017
  5. RockHopper

    RockHopper
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    Thank you everyone for the responses. It's been an eventful day in this regard and your honesty is helpful.

    QuantiumReality, to answer your question, "Is there something specific that has happened in your life that might have caused you to start questioning your sexuality?"

    I guess my questioning started when I was 18, so about 5 years ago. I had just broken up with a serious girlfriend of about two years. At the same time I had also had a pretty serious upheaval in my family and I ended up going into a pretty serious depression. Shortly after that started was when I first thought "Am I gay?" I think the question came up because I was thinking back to one particular moment where I remembered not enjoying sex with her. My thought process was that if I didn't enjoy sex with her than I must be gay.

    That only made my very serious depression even worse and I think I am still trying to get over the effects to this day. There has been a lot that has happened since then but that's where it all started and almost five years later I still don't feel like I am any closer to an answer.
     
    #5 RockHopper, Apr 17, 2017
  6. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Hey RockHopper,

    I can understand where a bad experience with a girlfriend could possibly cause you to question your sexuality. But that was a specific experience. And it sounds like their was a lot of other turmoil going on in your life around that time. I'm not a doctor nor a psychologist, but I do know that depression can definitely affect a person's sex drive.

    Have you tried finding a therapist to help you through your depression and your questioning?

    Ultimately, only you can know your own sexuality. There are some questions you can ask yourself and, if you can answer them honestly to yourself, they might give you a fairly good indication of your sexuality: Can you imagine yourself in a relationship with another guy? Can you imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman again? Can you imagine yourself in a relationship with both men and women? Have you ever felt romantically attracted to a man? Have you ever felt romantically attracted to a woman (even your ex-girlfriend)? Have you ever felt romantically attracted to both men and women? Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man (without using pornography)? Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a woman (without using pornography)? Have you ever fantasized about having sex with both men and women?

    Just some thoughts.

    I don't know if any of the helps you.
     
    #6 Quantumreality, Apr 17, 2017
  7. RockHopper

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    Yeah, these are questions i've been asking myself for a while now and for all of them the answer is sometimes one, sometimes the other, and sometimes both. I've come to the conscience conclusion that I am bi-sexual but for what ever reason I can seem to get past a mental block that would allow me to reach closure. I guess that after pretty much half of my life being exclusively attracted to women I have found it pretty hard to accept that there are other options out there. Thanks for the response.
     
    #7 RockHopper, Apr 18, 2017
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