So basically I have been dating since 2010. I was out in 2010. But I was 10 years old and I did have a 2 year relationship with that person who at the time was 11. I know, sounds flawed and a kiddie relationship but I didn't want a one month thing I wanted a forever person, but of course you cannot possibly get that at 10 years old. But since I developed into a teenager, I gradually grew into who I am today. A lesbian. A few mistakes and wrong turns and here I am, 16years old, 5 months into a relationship and her and I feel great together and have very good chemistry. But I always thought I was a demisexual but I wasn't sure if I truly was. By definition, a demisexual does not find sexual attraction right away due to needing a strong mental bond. I was never really sexually attracted to my past girlfriends but the one I have now, I am very attracted to them- sexually. I was previously told by my ex that demisexuality does not exist and that I am not that. I don't really have the need to have sex but when I am around my girlfriend I have this drive that I have never had with all my past relationships. I am super confused on if I am or not. I didn't think a lesbian could be demi also. But also, demi falls under the grey sexualities. I don't think I am severely in the grey sexualities. I guess I just need some help figuring this out.
I think when people say "demisexuality doesn't exist" they just mean there's no point in labeling it a certain way. I've met plenty of straight people who were only attracted to people they were really into...or who had low sex drives, and so on, but they were allowed to call themselves straight. However, gay people are stereotyped as sex obsessed people who sleep with everyone. I am technically "demisexual" but I hate that label and just call myself a lesbian. If someone wants to argue I'm not "gay enough" for not being "sexual enough" they can fight me. I'll show them my straight relatives who are no different than I am. So really it doesn't matter. You can call yourself a lesbian even if you have a low sex drive and rare attraction levels...
As above, different sexualities aren't necessarily connected to the 'demi' prefix, but they basically all can be - you can have demi-lesbians, demi-heterosexuals etc. Each of these falls on the grey spectrum, meaning you may either be weakly sexually attracted at first (possibly only to very attractive people), then with time much more so - or you may be quite strongly attracted to at least moderately attractive people, and this attraction grows further with social/romantic interaction, or you can be somewhere inbetween. It's easy to classify this as simply a low sex-drive, as that's basically what it is, and usually people only choose to self-identify as demi-... when they feel little to no sexual attraction without prior romantic involvement/personal connection. Anything else is usually just called something along the lines of having 'high standards'...not really a fair assertion, but that's life. It's really up to you what you label yourself as, it sounds like you're some kind of demi (I've heard it called 'grey lesbian' - sounds like a cocktail), as not really being attracted to previous partners implies some level of either low sex-drive, or a shade of asexuality - this could also just be due to your age, hormones kinda mess you up (my sexuality mellowed out by about 18, after flip-flopping on a daily basis from Kinsey 0 to 6, before finally resting at about 3). At the end of the day, a girl who only likes girls is a lesbian - regardless of how easily attracted to them she is. Label yourself whatever you feel comfortable with, and change it if you feel different. Sexuality is fluid at the best of times, even more so during puberty.
