I broke up with my first and only boyfriend 5 months ago. I am still grieving and even though I have tried multiple things to move on I just can't. I still think about him and miss him so much. I forgave him every time he tried to cheat on me, every time he disappointed me, and now that he left me broken I still do. I love him so much I still fantasize with being with him and holding him. The past 5 months have been a swirl of treacherous memories I can't get out of my head. I am scared I will never be able to forget him. There is also a friend of mine who has a crush on me but I don't like him that way. I just want to be friends with him for now, I don't want him to be an "excuse" to be over my ex and much less leave him waiting more time until I am better. What should I do? :icon_sad:
Heya, The broke up is still recent, 5 months isn't a lot. What you are feeling is normal: Some people get over relationships faster, others take more time. Think about this: You said your boyfriend trie to cheat on you, and disappointed you multiple times. That's a huge red flag for the relationship. You broke up for a reason. When thinking about it, try to see it this way: Do you miss the person himself, as a whole, with all his flaws, or do you miss the feeling of having someone near you, the sex, the love, but not necessarily tied to that person? You can't control other people. If you catch yourself thinking something like: "I love him, if only he wasn't like this and changed X in his personality/behavior, maybe we could work...", that may be a signal that you are idealizing him. In other words, if you are thinking things like that, remember that even if you wish he was different, he isn't. Obviously, even when you analyze things rationally, break ups are still really, really hard, and it takes time to heal. What you can do is grab some ice cream or your favorite food when you feel sad and watch a TV show you like, go out with your friends, read a book, go find a new hobby and meet new friends...use your time in your favor. =) TL;DR: There's nothing wrong in remembering the good times you had together, and count it as an experience. But don't idealize the person, especially if you had good reasons to break up with him (like him trying to cheat on you, which is pretty serious).
