Long story short, I fell for my tennis coach. Over a year ago. I fell for her before I knew she was bi, I fell for her before I knew she had a long term girl friend, and when I fell for her I was quite sure of the crazy chemistry I felt... but I also just thought it was totally unreciprocated and all my in my head. I assumed she was nice to me because I pay her. I assumed it was endorphins. I assumed every flirtation was in my head because she had a girlfriend she loves and owns a dog with and whose life is totally enmeshed with hers. So I kept it to myself. And we became good platonic friends. Anyway. Last night was her birthday, she had a party, she was ... not sober. The night started with her confessing she has been attracted to me since day one. she apologised. She said she was sorry she said anything. She said sorry to make things weird. She said she didn't know what to do. I told her not to apologise. I said the feeling was mutual... This conversation repeated throughout the night. She kept bribing it up. She even mentioned her girlfriend knew..... (no wonder her gf had always been hostile toward me). Ughhhhhh.... The night ended with her trying to kiss me in a toilet cubicle. Part of me is ashamed I didn't shut it down immediately. Part of me is thinking why the hell did I go into the cubicle with her. is it an excuse to say I wasn't sober either? No. But part of me didn't actually think it was real until she made a move. I've been denying what I felt for so so long. Just before she tried to kiss me she said she liked me again. And it finally clicked. I told her "you can't say that.... that's not fair.... I can't..." She said "please kiss me..." I shook my head. And she went for it anyway. And it took ALL of my self control to resist. ..,,, like she said PLEASE!?!?!?!?! I left after that. I didn't text her today, nor did she text me. Part of me feels really annoyed. I do NOT want to be THAT girl. Like I said I fell for her before I knew she was in a relationship. And as soon as I found out I stopped flirting. She didn't tell me for a long time..... like a really long time. She left whatever flirtations were happening unchecked for like a really long time. Part of me feels validated, like great I'm not crazy it wasn't all in my head. But I'm devistated because I've never been this attracted to anyone. Guy or girl. So for me to feel this way about her really awakened a lot of questions in me.... And I'm not young, I'm in my late 20s!!!!! But I realise it's not that I'm attracted to girls, or guys, I'm just attracted to people generally and in particular her. Part of me doesn't want to let go of this feeling and knowing there is something there on her side too.......... I mean.... I pretty much HATE everyone I meet. Everyone. Eeeeeveryoooone. I don't Ever have sex, im totally frigid and uptight and a bit of a loner, I've never been in a long term relationship and never been interested in being in one. So why her????? What if I never feel this attraction again????? But realistically what the hell does attraction count for anyway?????? It's not real. It's not something you can hold on to. She has such a good thing going on with her current girlfriend, a really good thing, a real thing. And a dog. I don't want her to leave her girlfriend and eff up her life, because I have nothing to offer but mutual attraction, I would probably be a terrible partner. I know I know I'm soooo getting ahead of myself. Nothing really happened. She might not remember any of it. She was soooo under the influence. But I can't shake it. I don't know if we can stay friends now. I don't know if I can keep her as my tennis coach. I don't know if I can see her again. I don't know if I should bring it up. I don't know if I can deal with not seeing her again. I don't know what to do and I feel like an immature idiot...... I think I just need sometime two tell me what I already know which is to LET IT GO. Thanks in advance for any advice or insight to help me sort through what I'm feeling.
Wow!!! Drunk or not she was way out of line. I'm glad you stayed strong. You should be proud of yourself. Her girlfriend must care for her a lot if she knows how your coach feels for you. If I was you I'd cut all ties as seeing her will be hard and I certainly wouldn't trust her plus I have issues with people that cheat (and wanting and trying to kiss another woman definitely counts in my book). Either the way you should probably talk about it. Good luck
Hey that is a tough situation. I agree I think you should cut all ties. If she contacts you after that I think you should tell her how you feel but say you cant have contact with her whilst she is in a relationship. That way it is up to her what she does. I do have a few other observations. Firstly you say she has a really good thing going with her current girlfriend but only the 2 of them actually know how good it is. I mean, I am not saying it is bad but if it is so good why is she flirting with you and trying to kiss you in a cubicle, either she isnt faithful or her relationship isnt as good as you think it is. Secondly just because you have never been in a relationship doesnt mean you dont have anything to offer. I didnt have any kind of relationship until I was in my late 20's and we have nearly been together 8 years so just because you havent doesnt mean you cant. Thirdly I am the kind of person who needs to get to know people before I can really truly be attracted to them. Dont get me wrong I can appreciate the beauty of celebrities and people I see but I think for me to really be attracted I need to feel some other connections as well. Perhaps you are more like that and because you got to know her as your coach it took away all the other kind of pressures.
Thanks for the replies and the clarity. Yeah, I agree with you both... and thanks also especially for the encouraging words and observations silverhalo. Quick update: She contacted me today, via text, saying thanks for coming and the night was a bit of a blur... I took the hint, she wants to pretend she behaved. Soooo I've decided I have two group lessons left with her which are already paid for which I'll go to. If it's weird I'll bring it up and be very clear where I stand. If it's not I guess I'll finish up and just vanish into the scenery and look for someone who is attractive AND available... and tbh loyalty is a big turn on for me anyway. Thanks again, definitely more clear and less deflated than yesterday
Well I've been where this girl is. Good on you for resisting. The chemistry obviously is there. And I would even venture there are major cracks in her relationship. But she needs to end that one or mend that one if she chooses too before coming on to you. And you don't want to get caught up in that.
I can relate I am in similar the same situation. I have someone that I like but she doesn't know or does she? I can't help thinking how lucky her lovers. I think damn I wish that was me. Yet at the same time knowing may struggle with chemical dependency I tell myself she is probably not a good person for me.
If u really love her and if she does too the best thing that u can do is be honest between yourselves.
