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I like both guys and girls, but in different ways. Is this normal?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by selfconflicting, Apr 24, 2017.

  1. selfconflicting

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    Hello everyone,

    I'm a guy, 23, and bisexual. I've liked girls since I was about 10, and started liking guys a few years later. Now that I've had years to process my feelings, I've realized that they feel different to me. With girls it was mostly feelings of lust, but with guys my feelings are emotionally and intuitively driven. For example, watching straight porn is awesome and turns me on, but I hate gay porn. It does nothing for me, not even a boner. That's not to say that I dont like guys in that way. I just have to feel the mental connection first. The connection comes without any warning seconds after meeting him but when it does, I'm very attracted sexually. And the feeling is much fuller overall with guys.

    Also, I've met a couple guys on dating apps. When they wanted to rush into sex, I just couldn't get into it at all. I'd rather talk and cuddle and see what happens. This one guy I had a crush on came over, and he rushed into making out. I had panicked, freaked out, and got out of the situation, but before that I couldnt wait to see him.

    This feeling of being in love (or crushing hard), as powerful and wholesome as it feels, is so alien to me. I can't make sense of it. I'm wondering if this is how girls feel when guys want to rush into sex? Can anybody relate to these 2 different feelings I'm experiencing? If youre bisexual then please let me know either way how you feel, but I'd love to hear from everyone.
     
  2. HufflepuffHugs

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    I don't have much advice sorry, but I did want to say I do relate to your post!

    I get mild crushes on men, or at least instantly appreciate their attractiveness- but whenever I've met someone (admittedly in the club) and they have instantly jumped into makeout mode, I get quite bored and instantly lose any sexual attraction I had. Answering your question to a guy wanting to rush into sex and how it affect a woman- yes, I personally immediately panicked, and it felt way too rushed. There's also the pressure I feel as a virgin too and whether I should just get the "first time" over and done with or wait for "that someone special". That night I had gone to the club hoping that maybe something would turn into more than a kiss, but when someone offered to immediately have sex I wasn't interested. Like you, I would've preferred to cuddle and kiss for a bit longer and see if there were interesting developments.

    I personally am trying to work out what my feelings are towards romantic relationships as opposed to sexual relationships, and see how I feel about each of those separately. I don't know about you, but I personally tend to imagine relationships, but I have no experience being in an actual relationship, which makes it hard for me to tell what I want from life and how I ~truly~ feel, because I begin to think I imagined it haha. I think I've had crushes and felt sexual attraction a couple of those crushes, but when it comes down to doing anything physical I've never enjoyed the feeling with anyone. That's left me feeling if I have to be with someone I know and trust beforehand, and have an emotional connection before doing anything physical.
    Sorry my comment was a bit rambling! >.< I hope it helped somewhat though. I am always utterly confused when it comes to my private life, and I'm trying to slowly let everything work itself out in my head ^.^
     
  3. beenthrdonetht

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    Yes.

    Or at least I am guessing so, with my perfectly fallible ESP. What you want is just a slower start. That's tough in the hormone years, but I think if you're up-front about it, you shouldn't have any trouble cuddling up first and taking it slow.
     
  4. Quantumreality

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    Hey selfconflicting,

    What you're experiencing perfectly normal (and often completely confusing) for a Bi guy.

    Relationships with guy and gals are different in some basic aspects (and I am not talking about the physical aspects).

    Guys, especially younger guys and gay guys in particular in their late teens and early-to-late 20's tend to be about sex and sexual satisfaction. Most of these guys aren't really looking for solid, long-term relationships.

    Women around the same age group tend to be a mix of just wanting to have sex and wanting a real relationship.

    Having a relationship with a woman in that age group is much more about feelings and emotions and a balance of yours versus hers (in terms of needs, wants, expectations, etc).

    Having a relationship with a guy in that age group is MUCH more about the physical needs and emotional wants (insecurities). Such a relationship is generally far less complicated overall, but also generally far less satisfying long term (and often doesn't last more than a couple of years because basic foundations in such a relationship are never mutually set.)

    I don't know if that helps...
     
  5. Zen fix

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  6. PanHedon

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    Hi, well if feel similar, just the other way around, I con only think in a romántic way about girls, but I can lust very hard after certain kind of men, how ver I can only see men as friends, and I feel attraction to a very wide range of women.
     
  7. KiwiGeek

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    I've experienced something similar but just the other way round. I have dated men and find them sexually attractive, but have only experienced strong emotional connections with women. I can't imagine feeling the way I feel with my girlfriend, with a man.

    I thought for a long time that it was because I just hadn't met a guy who I clicked with or I hadn't tried hard enough to find a man so spent a long time trying to replicate the feeling with a man. Weirdly enough, the ones who I came close to clicking with, were the ones I just saw as friends. So yeah, I get what you're saying about two different feelings.

    And yeah, I imagine that's exactly how most girls feel, at least, it's how I feel when I feel someone is rushing things physically.
     
  8. bigspeakers

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    I can relate to this, but my feelings are just constantly changing. I don't feel sexually attracted to anyone if I don't know anything about them. After concluding that someone's nice I might feel the attraction, but otherwise I feel nothing. I am more romantically attracted to women and not so much to men. Even though my sex drive is low the only and slightest sexual attraction I feel is 65% of the time towards men, although I usually feel disgusted after fantasising about doing anything with anyone. It's confusing, but I still want to be with a woman no matter what my sex drive is like. I like to think of sharing my future with someone of the same sex.

    I think the attraction comes when it comes and you should just have more time to get to know the person first to be more comfortable with them so that you actually have the time to process the scale of your sexual attraction towards them.
     
  9. tay98

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    I totally relate to this. I'm perfectly fine making out with girls who I don't have a connection with, but with guys I don't even want to do anything without getting to know them first and it takes a while before i actually develop a crush on someone.
    So I wouldn't worry if i was you, i think this is normal for some people who are bi
     
  10. martialmaster

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    Yes. Even though I've realized I'm much more gay than I am straight orientation wise, there is still some feeling for women.

    Put it this way - if I see a guy, my dick might twitch, I might get a sudden need for a gasp of air, sometimes my stomach does a mini flip and I feel drawn towards them, but if I try and imagine having sex with a guy it's really difficult for me to get a boner. I can do it whilst I'm asleep/inbetween sleep cycles, but even if I'm doing my best to totally relax, I find it really hard to get a full boner. If I'm around guys I find attractive, it feels like my dick is telling me to go for it, even though I'm not fully comfortable doing that yet.

    On the other hand, if I see an attractive girl, I can drink her in with my eyes and my brain gets some kind of endorphin feed back, but it's not as severe. However, if I try to imagine having sex with the girl, I will get a full erection. If I kiss the girl, I will get an erection. Unfortunately for me (I know some people will take it the wrong way, but I'd much rather be on the straighter side of bi and that's my goddamn choice) I don't necessarily feel drawn body wise to doing this, it's a mental decision. It also means I can't really sustain a relationship, because I'm not necessarily making full emotional connections.