1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Trying to Make Sense of It All

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by tryingtomakesen, Apr 24, 2017.

  1. tryingtomakesen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2017
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palm Springs, CA
    Hello Everyone,

    This is my first time in any kind of forum. I'm a bit nervous, but my therapist suggested that I join a support group and try some chatrooms to see if I can't meet individuals that are going through the same thing I am going through.

    I am a married mother of two little ones. I have been married now for over ten years. I am also part of a pretty well known religion and it's view on homosexuality is not favorable. My husband is, for lack of a better word a "higher" up in the congregation. If I'm honest, I've always had leanings towards liking girls, but have never done anything about it. For almost a year I have been questioning my sexuality. I started being a therapist about 2-3 weeks ago.

    I don't know if what I am feeling is real and I'm terrified of making a huge mistake that will hurt a lot of people. It's a very scary thing I am going through. At times I feel like I know exactly what I'm going to do and then other times, I feel like I'm making a huge mistake. My husband doesn't know about any of this, which makes me feel awful. We are having issues in our marriage and he is terrified of losing me. I can't tell him exactly what I'm going through because he will freak out. He's the best man I know and a very good father, so those are not issues. Mostly, the issues are: we've grown apart, I'm questioning my faith, and I'm questioning my sexuality.

    I'm hoping to be able to chat with others who are going through the same thing. Trying to find some clarity and be able to talk to others who will understand what I am going through.
     
  2. Worker Bee

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2017
    Messages:
    862
    Likes Received:
    44
    Location:
    Manchester
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there. Welcome to EC.

    It's a great place to discover who you are in a safe and accepting environment.

    There are plenty of members here that are in or have been in a similar situation.

    I can only suggest you need to work out what you want / what will make you happy and then what needs to happen to achieve that.
     
  3. Moonsparkle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Welcome to EC, and Nerdbynature said it perfectly-- this is a place to discover who you are in a safe and accepting environment. Many here are going through exactly what you are, at your age (and older) and several are married with children. If you read through the Late in Life forum you will surely feel less alone, and reading people traveling similar paths and their perspective may help you gain clarity.

    For me I know I was always the sort of person who went along with the flow, sort of letting life happen to me rather than making my life happen. I dated men and then married a man (now divorced). It wasn't until my mid-forties that I started questioning my sexuality, and began my first lesbian relationship. Life experience, challenges, being open to learning what we truly want and don't want (and that this matters!)--this is how we evolve as people. This is not easy, and your therapist will be a great resource in assisting you in navigating these waters. My therapist has been very helpful to me as I have traveled on this journey.

    And right now you are navigating a lot of waters! You are questioning both your faith and your sexuality; this can feel very uncomfortable, questioning two areas that have been central to the way you have lived your life. Definitely lots to deal with! And people here do understand.

    Once again welcome to EC!
     
  4. AlexJames

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2017
    Messages:
    1,139
    Likes Received:
    226
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello! I hope this place can help you. Like someone already said, you might find people in similar situations in the Later in Life thread section.

    By the way, if your faith is important to you...i've heard that at least in christianity there are churches that will accept LGBT people. I'm not religious so i don't have examples but i know there are some out there. By your use of the word 'congregation' i wondered if perhaps you were christian so i thought i would point it out.
     
  5. tryingtomakesen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2017
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palm Springs, CA
    Thank you everyone for your replies. I reposted to the Later in Life Forum.

    It's a pretty scary time in my life right now. I am under tremendous pressure. Not only am I questioning huge aspects of my life, but I am also going to school online to get my BA in order to pursue teaching. There is a lot going on and I feel very conflicted and just awful for what I am putting my husband through.

    Thanks for the kind words and understanding.
     
  6. Mysteria

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2017
    Messages:
    489
    Likes Received:
    102
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hi and welcome!
    I'm a married (well, separated) mother with children too who is a member of a very conservative faith and is questioning both my faith and my sexuality. I'm about 90%, maybe a little more, that I'm not straight, but the thought of this knowledge being somewhere other then my own head is kinda overwhelming. And my faith (and because my social life revolved around church, my friendships) being tied up in this is really hard to deal with at times.
    I've also always had leaning towards girls too, even though, at least in my pre-teen/teen years I had attraction to boys as well. I've been sexually attracted to women through my whole marriage whereas I don't think I looked at a non-celebrity guy once I got married. And I'm fairly sure straight people don't fantasize romantically and sexually about the same gender, although I honestly did think that for a while. My husband is a good man too, problems not withstanding, and I know what a huge shock this will be to the family. I also worry about this causing custody issues in our divorce. Right now everything has been extremely amiable. I don't want that to change. I also worry that my children, who have been raised in our religion, will not want a relationship with me if I come out.
    Anyways, I know what you're going through. Do you journal? My therapist has got me journaling regularly and it helps. It also has helped to write a letter to my husband "coming out" even if I know I won't give it to him.