So, I just got out of a three year relationship with a man who I adored. It was a messy breakup but we really loved each other. In our relationship, I only had eyes for him. He turned me on like nobody's business to the point I didn't really even notice other people in a sexual way after a while. So, because I was only 18 when we met and 19 when we started dating, it's really strange for me being back on the market and I don't even KNOW what I like. I'm one of those people who has a hard time getting turned on at all unless I genuinely care for someone, so it gets confusing. Anyway, I've always thought of myself as straight. I've always been boy crazy. But there's this girl who's had a crush on me for almost a year. She was there a lot during some rough stuff, and I dunno. I guess we got close. Well the other night we were smoking weed (from a gravity bong, so we were fucked) and I dunno how it happened but we started holding hands a lot and she kept staring at me and stuff. I didn't stop her when she was doing that..then I started grabbing her hand back when she pulled away, and at one point she was rubbing her hand on my inner thigh and I pulled it up even higher. There was a lot of tension and she tried to get me to go back to her dorm, but I just went home. Now I'm feeling OCD..not sure if I liked it or just high. We're supposed to hang tonight but I don't know what I want to do. Should I go or cancel? Does what I did indicate anything besides being high? I never even considered that I might like girls before this breakup.
I think your attraction has to be during moments of entirely sound mind i.e. not drunk, high etc. If you can enjoy fantasizing about or imagine being in a relationship with a member of the same sex, then chances are you are attracted to that sex. However, being suddenly affectionate towards ANYONE during high levels of off-your-facedness is not a reliable source of information regarding your orientation. Not sure what to do about hanging with her tonight though.
I suppose so. I feel guilty because I ended up flaking. I can't really figure out if I could fantasize about it or not, because every time I recoil at the idea. Like I've always thought of myself as so super into guys.
Thing is, if you find the idea of sleeping with or having any sort of relationship with a girl actually repugnant, then chances are you are not attracted to girls. Peace
I agree with Maya but I also think sometimes it's difficult to fantasize being in a relationship with a member of the same gender if you're used of thinking of yourself as straight. So sometimes the first "signs" come from moments when you're not entirely sober. But you can't rely on them either, because yes, it might just be the weed. Maybe seeing her again will help clear it up a bit.
@WeDream, No, it doesn't repulse me. By recoil I just mean..I feel not very open to it. But the idea definitely doesn't disgust me. @Nedussa Well, the thing is I always flirt with her when I'm drunk, but I know she likes me, and I'm a natural flirt, especially when I know someone likes me. We've never done anything physical tho. @Lexa, Well, it's moot with this particular girl because I blew her off..yet again..and she blocked me which is sad because even if I'm probably straight, I valued her as a friend.
From what you're describing....probably not. I mean, you were high too. I've known people who willingly slept together when high or drunk but realized they didn't enjoy it.
I think most people question themselves at one point or another. I think you may be hitting that crossroad now that a relationship is broken and you don't know what to do next. If you are having trouble even imagining it and you only feel like you want to try something while you under an influence of a drug; then it is likely not real. Experimentation might appeal to you, but you don't want to regret doing it.
