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Helpppppp

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by helpp, May 2, 2017.

  1. helpp

    Regular Member

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    Alright..hey everyone
    I need help..lots of it..
    Here is my "story" hope you can help me to determine my sexuality as well as make me accept it!
    So, I'm a female 18.
    When I was smaller I always used to like guys and have crush on them. I never thought of girls in "that way".
    However, I for example rember makig a sims account with two females living together because I thought it was very interesting and sexy (more sexy than a guy and a girl).
    Then, I turned 12 and had all kinds of self esteme problems and I recognized that I kind of liked my bff. This made me very disgusted and I started avoiding her. Things "got better", but the thought of being a lesbian stayed and I hated mysef. I hated myself so much that I couldn't enjoy anything, because I kept on thinking of what if i was a leasbian. This made me hate myself and I didn't care about my body and I let guys that I didn't like or I wasn't interested in to do stuff to me.
    Then I fell in love with a guy and I felt as if I was saved. I didin't find girls attractive and I was very very happy. However, I also let the guy take advatage of me and things ended. The good feeling of not thinking about being lesbian stayed for 1 and half years and then I began hating myself again after thinking anout being a lesbian. It was as if 100kg had been put on my shoulders.
    This feeling lasted for few years. During those years I was kind of happy, but not once could I stop thinking about being gay. Also, when I ddin't think about being a lesbian, I wasn't and I was happy. However, I only had these moments few times. Also. During those years I did all kinds of things with guys and not with kids I necesseraly liked.
    Then something happened, I got a panic attack. Ive had panic attacks since I was 12 but this one happened during the day. I had panic dissorder for 1/2 year as I couldn't stop thinking about anything else than that. Something else changes too, I wasn't a lesbian anymore. I didn't think of women and I jad crushed on guys and liked guys and I was much happier.
    However, after fighting the panic thing, I'm back and these feelings have retured. And What I mean by these feelings is that I get fucking horny, I want to fuck and mostly women. But I am also very sacred, sometimes when I'm watching tv and I see a women, I might be inable to breath no matter how old or young this women is. As long as it is a women. However, 2)3' ever I masturbate to lesbian porn etc. When I am coming I always think of guys and them inside me.
    I am lost and I just want to stop thinking anout these things so much.
    So am I leabian, bi, hetero or something else and how can I stop being like this?
    Ps. I love talking about guys and in parties I get nervous etc. The same might happen with girls if I think I am a lesbian, then I light be unable to breath correctly...
    sorry, I'm so messed up
     
  2. Worker Bee

    Full Member

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    Ok. First of all we (by which I mean the EC posse) cannot decide your sexuality and make you accept it. That is only something you can do although the lovely peeps here can offer guidance.

    Secondly porn is not an indicator of sexuality. I am only interested in women and have only had sex with women but if I watch a film (I've never watched porn myself ) that has a realistic love story i can get turned on not matter the gender combination of the couple.

    Why do you feel hatred and disgust at the thought of being a lesbian? It doesn't sound healthy that you let guys do stuff to you and it sounds like you did it only to prove you weren't gay.

    It is possible that you might be bisexual although it sounds like your encounters/relationships with guys have not been very rewarding.

    Have you actually taken the time to consider how you feel towards women and if you could date and fall in love with one?
     
  3. Brigianna

    Regular Member

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    You still very young. Give yourself time and chillax :slight_smile: Find yourself a girl, explore yourself slowly without hurry or any judgment.
    You will be just fine :slight_smile: You are perfect the way you are (*hug*)