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Am I in denial, closet, or over thinking and physical stimulation.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Erny, May 3, 2017.

  1. Erny

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    As far I remember and know I am straight. I didn't question myself until I met this guy at a party and tried to convince me that I was a latent, oppressed homosexual. That I was in the closet. Declined his theory and moved on for a bit. Then doubts hit me. Whay if I am gay. I can tell if men are good looking. I know which guys girls think are sexy and attractive. I must be gay or bi. I started to watch gay porn. Nothing. No physical or mental arousal. But I had to push myself as I had cycle of doubts. If I have to question myself that means I'm in the closet. So I tried masterbating to gay porn. First I looked at the material I liked then I try to masturbate to gay porn. Most of the time I go flaccid. I don't enjoy it at all. There are times I feel very odd like I am going to ejaculate but without pleasure. It felt very weird and I didn't want it. But I had to understand what that was. So pushed my self even further to see what that feeling was. I ejaculated but it felt disgusting and displeasurable. This confused me even further. But I have OCD and needed to do it twice but the second time I just stopped right before ejaculation as I felt depressed doing this and switched to women and continued to masturbate and it felt good doing so. That was 4 years ago. Then this questioning came back when I had a lot of anxiety and stress. And the same thing. From flaccid I try to masturbate to gay porn nothing happens. I get that weird feeling but I don't enjoy. When I have an erection from my porn then switch to gay porn I go flaccid. Then at last, I used a vibrator, and it happened again but i did this two more time because I needed to do it a goal of four times but before I ejaculate I stop and think to myself why am I testing myself. I don't like this. I don't like the feeling I have when I watch gay porn and masturbate. It takes a lot of physical stimulation for me to have a reaction but very little she. I watch the porn that I do like. Did my body react to physical stimulation or am I in denial? I desire to masturbate to gay anything. I don't desire men.my line of logic was if I'm straight my body won't react. But I have heard that those who are abuse react and even climax to physical stimulation. I feel like I am torturing myself with this and I don't want this.
     
  2. LunaMare

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    Maybe I'm not in the best place to give you advice since I'm still questioning myself but I think you should just relax and not push yourself to do things you don't want to.

    Reconizing that someone is good looking is completely normal, no matter what sex and no matter your orientation. Is there any other reason you think you're gay? Can you imagine/would you want to be in a (sexual) relationship with another man? How do you feel about girls? If you were gay, do you think there's something wrong with that?

    If you don't like masturbating to gay porn then don't, I've heard a lot of people say porn isn't a good indicator of your orientation anyway. Just think of who you want to be with and what feels right to you
     
  3. WeDreamOfPeace

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    It really does not sound like you are in the closet. If you are not attracted to men, you are not attracted to men. Full stop. There is nothing wrong with just being you :slight_smile:

    Peace, hope, hugs, love, blessings, cake and awesomeness.
     
  4. Erny

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    I have been with women. Sexually and love it. I have a girlfriend right now. Out of obsession and questioning myself, I entertain the thoughts and homosexual activity on screen but I am not entertained by them. If that makes sense. When I try to masturbate to gay porn, I try to convince myself that I am into it but honestly I can't. I feel like I am truly lying if I said that I was. But what confused me then and recently was my reaction to physical stimulation during viewing gay porn. Most of the time I have reaction, if I do it feels weird, uncomfortable and wanted nothing more than to stop. But I have been told that physical stimulation has nothing to do with sexual orientation rather who you want to be physically stimulated by. I heard of gay men ha gb ing sex with women and then find out they are gay. And vice versa. I don't want to do this any more, I don't want to experiment, I don't anything romantic or sexual with other men. I don't have hidden urges, or fantasies. I don't have secret homosexual anything, it is just that I am so hung up with the four times I had physical reaction. I forced myself to do it and I hinestly try to convince myself to enjoy it but just couldn't.
     
  5. Erny

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    I would accept if I was gay but with te way I feel, think, lust, and live. I feel like it's not an option for me. As in, it's not what floats my boat. It's not what makes me happy, excited both the normal and sexual sense. I am so sorry for the bother but thank you guys for the responses.

    ---------- Post added 3rd May 2017 at 05:59 PM ----------

    I have another response but it is being reviewed my moderators.
     
  6. Erny

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    There is a difference between quick replies and post replies give me a bit to give a fill reply to the responses.
     
  7. Erny

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    Oh never mind, my other replies did show up.
     
  8. skittlz

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    Well, don't push yourself. It's normal to have some doubt, and if you're mostly sure you're straight, then you probably are.
     
  9. Chip

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    I see zero, nada, nothing from what you've described that would indicate any attraction to men or that you're gay.

    It is likely your OCD is getting in the way here.
     
  10. CharacterStudy

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    Well you've certainly been thorough. Are you a scientist? Sounds like you're straight.
     
  11. cakepiecookie

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    It sounds like you're a straight guy with unchecked OCD and anxiety issues.
     
  12. Erny

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    Thank you guys, going to make a special thread.