(SORRY IF THIS IS LONG IM TRYING TO BE AS SPECIFIC AS POSSIBLE XDD) Hello, I am a 17 year old male and I have identified as heterosexual all of my life until about 6 months ago I randomly started to have homosexual urges, I guess ? Around when I was 14 I actually took the time to experiment with my orientation with my one friend in a jokingly way (because " I knew " I was straight. I held his hand and it felt super off, not natural in a way. Later that day I asked one of my friends (who is female) to hold their hand and it felt right, the gay experience felt like two + sides of a magnet pushed together. I took those results and rounded my sexuality around that. But now I'm 17 with sudden urges to engage sexual actions with males. To sum it up I don't recall every crushing a boy ever, only girls.. In fact I liked this one girl for 3.5 years but we never dated so I eventually gave up :/ lesbian/straight porn was the norm for when I masturbated but now it doesn't get me hard as fast as it did before, gay porn flips the script though. I have a girlfriend who I adore very much and when we do anything sexual I get hard almost instantly and have no struggle to maintain it unless we stop. When I lost my virginity it took me 30 minutes to finish. I told my best friend because who doesn't tell their best friend when they first had sex :rolle: .. anyway he said that was pretty long for a first time. I just want to hear some opinions from others.. Am I homosexual Hetero-romantic ? bored ? Curios ? I just dont know. I just want to have something to base my orientation around for my future and so I can think about it less -.-
Honestly, you shouldn't be ashamed if you feel you're trying to push yourself towards being heterosexual because you find it stressful to think about how you feel since oftentimes sexuality is very relative to a situation or person rather that clear cut generalizations. One of the things that helped me in figuring myself out was I had to learn to stop comparing different aspects of my sexuality to other parts of it (as in: don't try and think of it like needing to like all/some genders in equal ways or 50/50 or don't try and compare it like "I like girls 80% of the time and boys 20% of the time, etc. that's like trying to compare whether it's more important to be angry or sad, both of them are emotions that may happen at different frequencies but are equally important and can't be compared to the other) Also, everyone's first time is sexually different, people do have different varying levels of attraction and attachment, and different needs when expressing themselves. For me, I had to be with my boyfriend for a year before being comfortable having sex (though we were off and on a lot at the time) and I took it very very slow and it was very short. But, I have a friend whose first time was not with someone she was attached to emotionally at all and it was pretty... uh, hard and lasted much longer than mine hahah so everyone's different. Also, I never crushed on girls as a child either though I did crush on guys, but that's because I wasn't taught how girls crushed on other girls, cause the only relationship examples I ever saw were heterosexual. But, learning not to try and compare my attraction to some people is what tripped me up the most. The first time I kissed a girl (I'm biologically female, was still identifying as a girl at the time) I tried to tell myself that I must not have liked it because it didn't feel the same as kissing a guy. But, that's just it, that didn't mean I didn't like it, it's just the way I'm attracted to women is somewhat different than the way I'm attracted to men at first, and it's because I prefer masculinity emotionally and physically, so I thought there was no way I could be attracted to girls simply because I didn't prefer a feminine looking / acting girl and therefore the attraction felt "weaker". It was after I had some romantic and sexual experimentation with them that I realized the way I become attracted to women is often slower, more emotional, and more friendship based first, as opposed to if I just find a man sexually attractive and then try and find out if I can pursue him based on if we get along and our personalities are similar, and I think a lot of this is due to the fact that in TV shows and media from a young age we're taught how to be heterosexual, and what normal behaviors are between men and women, but because we're only taught socially how to be friends with the same-sex/gender often the social nuances get blurred and the ways we try and relate to one another may be slightly different (never usually a lot, but just slightly, because gender roles are a thing) Anyway, don't be afraid to have an urge to experiment. Even if you find out later that you don't like it, being curious doesn't automatically mean you're any one thing or another, it really just means that you're curious and open-minded towards knowing.
Thank you so much for the reply, I'll definitely experiment when I'm single. I am not worried about the aspect of being gay either just I want to be certain of who I am if I need to come out in the future. Again thanks for the reply:smilewave
Hey Ginseng n Honey, Only you can ever actually know your own sexuality. If you are interested, you might want to check these videos out to see if any of the discussion gives you some insights. Are You Bisexual - Quiz How to Tell if You're Bisexual - Is Bisexuality a Choice? It's also possible that you have a lot of internalized homophobia which has been keeping you in denial of your homosexual feelings. We grow up in a heteronormative society where we are taught that romantic and sexual feelings for members of the same-sex, so many times LGBTQ people develop internalized homophobia and live in denial of their true sexuality for a long time. But, eventually, it can't be denied. We each come to an understanding and acceptance of our sexuality in our own good time. You might also want to check this out. Just my 2cents.
