First noticed an attraction to men at the same time as women 6-7yo. Developed an attraction to women, trans women and men around 12ish. Always dated girls, random anonymous hook ups with men and always worked hard to cover it up. Can't even imagine dating a guy. Still love girls. Never masturbate to straight porn. I sometimes impulsively hook up with a man or TS. Enjoy it but end up regretting it. Closet case by any means. What does all this make me? It's really confusing and sometimes hard to deal with. Open to suggestion thanks
TS is trans? You are probably on the spectrum of Bi, like me. You probably feel romance with girls more than men. At least, that is what I read. You can still be Bi even though you are mainly prefer girls. You probably regret it because you live a straight lifestyle and this is a secret you can't share, but need to express somehow.
Hey Vicarious, It sounds like you may be dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia. Do you think that this might be the case?
Quite possibly. I really can't say for sure. I Had kind of a tough upbringing. hung out a lot with delinquents and thugs and did gay stuff behind very closed doors, work in construction and my parents are old school. Safe to say I have all the prerequisites for internalized homophobia, and I'm overly aware of myself and self image. I've never considered internalized homophobia as an actual problem, the problem in my head was either; I don't want to do this, or, I can't stop doing this. Either way I'm getting to old to be this confused over sexuality. Thank you so much for the replies this seems very helpful so far.
Actually, we all come to an understanding and acceptance of our sexuality in our own good time. There is no time limit for figuring it out. Perhaps you'd like to check out this blog entry by Sienna Fire and see if it might help you. It's about dealing with the shame of being gay/internalized homophobia. Granted you're Bi, but the issue you have presented seems tied to your same-sex attractions.
