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Likely Gay, Yet Can Picture Myself Being With a Girl

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Mike2222, May 10, 2017.

  1. Mike2222

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    Hey everyone. I have been questioning for quite some time now and am pretty sure that I am gay, but I was just wondering how you guys felt about this situation...

    So I don't really fit to any sort of the gay stereotypes in public and am pretty normal with how I conduct myself. I talk to girls often and I feel like I can connect with them much better than with other guys, but I often find myself thinking about spending my life with a girl instead of a guy. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but I have no interest in having sex with a girl, yet I feel like I should be flirting with them (which I often times find myself doing). I often doubt my sexuality because I can see myself with a girl, while being with a guy seems like uncharted territory that kinda frightens me (but not totally off the table).

    Does this happen to anyone else? What are your thoughts? Anyone can respond by the way, I'm not limiting this to just gay guys. Thanks
     
  2. freemind265

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    Hi,
    Yep, it is confusing but maybe you might be demisexual. It means ones you got a girlfriend you fall in love with, the sex may follow. And could be very good. But your fantasies and dreams may be for guys. Just go where your heart brings you.
     
  3. BiGuy365

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    To me, it doesn't sound like you are strictly gay. It sounds like you have a romantic attraction to girls, but a sexual desire toward men. There several in the forum that have similar issues.
     
    #3 BiGuy365, May 11, 2017
    Last edited: May 11, 2017
  4. CameOutSwinging

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    Welcome! I think you'll find that EC is filled with plenty of people who have been through the exact same questioning.

    From your words, I truly think you're gay. The stereotypes are there but they aren't true for everybody, just as stereotypes about race and culture aren't true of every single person who identifies with that race and culture. I definitely get where you're coming from about gay stereotypes as I don't really fit almost any of them myself, nor do I particularly look to be involved in things like dance clubs and such. Don't worry though, just because you don't fit the stereotypes doesn't mean you won't find gay guys who are interested in things you are, or interested in you for who you are.

    I also have always had an easier time being friends with women, mostly because I'm shy around guys. And that feeling of intimacy with women on a friendship level has made it easy for me to becoming romantically invested in women. I've been through two long term relationships with women. Of course you can picture yourself being with a girl, society has been teaching you how to be straight since the day you were born. On TV, in movies, in your community, etc. We all know how to be straight. It's easy really. But would it make you happy?

    The key thing you said is that you have no interest in having sex with women. I'm guessing you're not attracted to women either physically. Both of those things point to the truth that you would be much happier being in a relationship with a man. Sure it sounds great, meet a girl you get along with as friends, maybe even become best friends with. And enter into a romantic relationship with her. Sounds like the key to happiness. But what do you tell her about your sexuality? What do you tell anybody? Do you keep the secret to yourself for your whole life? That every day as you ride the train home to your wife of 10 years, who you love with all your heart because she is your best friend but does nothing for you physically, that you're secretly fantasizing about having your way with the hot male train conductor? Do you cheat? Have your needs met on the side without your wife knowing? Do you end up divorced in 20 years and starting the process of coming out now at a point in your life where you wish you had just done it when you were younger?

    Just remember that. We all know how to be straight. It's easy. But is it honest to who you are?