For the time being, I identify as lesbian. I've never been in a relationship with anyone. I've never had sex. I've never kissed anyone. I've never experienced any of the 'relationship-ey' things that people talk about. On some level I've always 'checked out' other girls, even when I was in elementary school. I get now that I don't just look up to them, but that I find them attractive. In the long run, I see myself being in a relationship with a woman, but there are times when I will give guys a second glance if I find that they're good looking. I don't ever see myself being in a relationship with a guy though. After coming out, I came to realize that despite how much I thought I knew about the lgbt community, there was still so much that I didn't know. The past year or so I've been trying to educate myself, trying to learn more about myself. Recently, I've been trying to learn more about being asexual (because the girl I like is questioning and might be ace) and along with that came knowledge about being aromantic. They're both things that I had never considered before, but the more I think about it, the more I question myself. Do I really want to have sex with another person? After all, I'm in my 20s and I've never had sex before. Is it something that appeals to me or is it the pressure of society that made me feel like I want it? I've been turned on before, both in real life and from various forms of media, but is it something I want to experience in real life? How do I really know? What is considered romantic orientation? What exactly is considered romantic? I feed off of physical contact, I love hugs, I live off of hugs, I like kisses to a certain extent (but I think that also has to do with who's giving them I suppose), I love cuddling. I think I want to date? The idea of pda and all that doesn't sound to appealing to me, but I do want the intimacy that comes with a relationship. Now that I've come out as liking girls, for the first time in my life I've thought about getting married, starting a family. In my mind these are all things that an aromantic person would not experience, of course I don't actually know much about aros so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. What started as me trying to learn more about what my friend/crush might identify as, I've started to question myself again. Am I a lesbian? Am I asexual? Am I aromantic? Am I some other term that I have yet to come across?
Well I can't give you the answer, only you can work out your sexuality. You could be a lesbian or you could be a gyneromantic asexual. What are your thoughts and feelings towards having sex? I identify as asexual. I am not disgusted by the thought of sex and I could have sex to please a partner but for me personally I don't need it.
I forgot to mention this earlier, but I'm also toying with the idea of being demi. I tend to not be able to form bonds easily with other people unless they really get me. Like in my circle of friends there's the inner circle that really knows me and then there's the outer circle which at the point I don't even know if I would consider it an outer circle, they're so distant from me. I tend to get really attached to the people I'm close to, but I don't know if that's just a 'I've found a really great friend and your awesome type of closeness'. Umm the thought of having sex sounds pleasant I think (again I've never had sex so I wouldn't really know), but the idea of being that intimate with someone, pleasing them or being pleased sounds really nice. Theoretically speaking (since I don't know if I'm ace or not), for me sex wouldn't be a deal breaker if I were in a relationship with someone who was asexual. I don't think I'm that into sex, like masturbation, being stimulated in that way, sure feels nice and all but it's not something I need to have, if that makes any sense. I know that only I can figure out my sexuality, but how do you do that? I find myself constantly overwhelmed by questions and feelings but don't know what to do about them...
Well based on your views on sex I wouldn't say you were asexual. I wouldn't worry too much about labelling yourself. Maybe you should just go with I'm into chicks for now and then see how you feel when you meet/date a woman. There's no rush to have sex (my first time was when I was 21) if you only form strong bonds with people who really get you, you may not feel sexual attraction to them and want more until you have that connection.
Hi JJ, I wouldn't overthink this too much, or get too wrapped up in labels. You mentioned you can see yourself in a relationship with a woman, and that the idea of the closeness and intimacy sex creates does appeal to you. It could very well be that when you meet 'that woman'--the one you deeply and mutually emotionally connect with, who lights up your world and sparks your soul that a sexual relationship will just flow from there. You will both have the desire to take your relationship to the next level, to express your intimacy in physical way. Like Nerd said I would just see how you feel when you meet a woman who you are into...and go from there!
Thanks Moon. I mean the whole thing that sparked me into requestioning is actually because I feel 'that connection' with my best friend whom I have a crush on. She gets me, understands me more than anyone else and I love being around her. She somehow always knows what to say to make me feel better and manages to make me smile when I least expect it. When we hug it just feels so right and I want it to last longer. I don't know if I'd go as far as to say I feel a sexual attraction, but I definitely see a somewhat romantic/intimate connection...which is what worries me because not only could my feelings wreck our friendship, but she doesn't know what she identifies as yet so that kind of complicates things... But all feelings for my friend aside, how do I go about discovering who I am, to meet someone I'm into? I'm somewhat introverted and have a hard time getting to know new people. I don't want to date for the sake of dating. If I date someone I want it to last, for it to mean something more than just being able to say that I'm in a relationship. But how can I figure out what I want/like if I don't meet more people?
