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A gay guy has a crush on me

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by PrinceVegeta, May 12, 2017.

  1. PrinceVegeta

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    This wouldn't be a problem if I were cis... But I'm not. There's this guy at work. I guess he had a crush on me for a while but kept to himself because he thought I only liked girls. Someone​ told him I was bi and now he's all over me the past week.. like talking to me a lot and a few minutes ago he asked me out.. I said yes without thinking. He has no idea I'm trans and idk how to approach him about it now. What do I do?
     
    #1 PrinceVegeta, May 12, 2017
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  2. PrinceVegeta

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    Ok so umm i had some time to calm down and think about it... And it is just a date... Things probably shouldn't go too far unless he's a sex maniac or something.. I could probably just go through the date with no problems and if things click and we want to date again then I'll have to bring it up when I see an opening for it.
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Yeah I think don't panic. See how the date goes and then if you want to continue the dating you can decide the best way to bring it up.
     
  4. Quantumreality

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    Hey PrinceVegeta,

    First, as you said, it's only a date - a first date.

    Why not bring it up early during the date? You can use the date to evaluate his real reaction to the fact that you are a trans male. But don't feel that you owe him anything just because he didn't know that you are trans when he asked you out. A date is a date. Dating is designed to help you get to know each other better and see if you are compatible. I would say that if the fact that you are trans is an incompatibility issue/deal-breaker for him, then so be it. But that shouldn't keep the two of you from having a good time on this date with him.

    Just my thoughts.

    Good luck!:slight_smile:
     
  5. PrinceVegeta

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    Thank you both. The date is on Monday when we both have no work. What a wonderful day to go on a date lol. But it will have to do since we have work on weekends. Does this mean maybe I should take the time to tell him before the date though? Like I feel like maybe if he enjoys being with me before he knows, he might be more open minded if he isn't already though.. so idk. Am I thinking too much?
     
    #5 PrinceVegeta, May 13, 2017
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  6. Quantumreality

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    Hey PrinceVegeta,

    You can tell him in whatever way seems best to you. The reason I recommend that you bring it up early is so that, if it is such a big incompatibility deal for him that he can't just enjoy the date after you tell him, then that that would be a strong indicator that you don't want to go out with him again. He already likes you - a lot - as you found out. Do you really feel that he's more likely to be open-minded if you tell him at the end of the date rather than at the beginning? And if you wait to tell him until the end of the date or later, don't you think that that will weigh on you?
     
  7. PrinceVegeta

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    You make a good point.. I think I would feel guilty if I wait for the end of the date or even later through it. Perhaps I should tell him... I would hate to feel like I decieved him.. but it is nice to have some one crush on me too, you know? It's a nice feeling.
     
  8. Quantumreality

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    I would say that you have no reason to feel guilty. You are not deceiving him. He likes you enough to ask you out on a date and you apparently like him enough to say yes. Any real relationship is about so much more than just sex. You can take the opportunity to have a nice date with a seemingly nice guy, be upfront with him about the fact that you are trans so that you can find out if that is an issue for him, and see if there is a chance for a real, long-term relationship here. (Again, that is really the purpose of dating.) No harm. No foul. Both of you can enjoy the date.

    Try not to overthink it. Maybe think of it this way. Being trans is just one thing about you that may or may not make a difference in your compatibility with him. Maybe you won't like his politics - or he yours. Maybe one of you is smoker and that's a real turn-off for the other. And so on. There are all sorts of things about a person that may endear or turn off a potential partner. Just try to go with the flow and feel each other out (figuratively, of course).

    Worst case, you gain some experience and hopefully have a good time, right?
     
  9. PrinceVegeta

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    Thank you. I guess I am just super​ nervous because I like him too. He's super interesting, I just never thought he'd ever think I was dating material
     
  10. PrinceVegeta

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    We talked it out during break at work. He said he can work with it. Such relief omg.
     
  11. Quantumreality

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    Cool! So, it looks like this relationship is going to continue to move forward. That's great!

    As with any relationship, the two of you have to get know each other to see if this will work in the longrun, but it's very encouraging that he's willing to try.

    You must be unable to stop grinning from ear to ear when you think about him right now, I bet.:grin:
     
  12. PrinceVegeta

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    Yeah. The smile won't go away :icon_redf
     
  13. AbsoluteNerd

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    Ah, I love a happy ending. Have fun on your date, and let us know how it goes!
     
  14. PrinceVegeta

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    The date went by pretty well.. until towards the end.. it seemed like all he wanted was sex. Am I just weird, or is it perfectly fine to not want to have sex on the first date? :| Like.. sheesh. He went from making me so curious about him.. wanting to know him better, to him constantly asking to see my body under my clothes.. I did give in a little and showed him my upper body.. but that was it.. just me with my shirt off... And then he kept asking to look at my body again afterwards.. and sex... and it really turned me off.. Like.. a lot.. Like, is this a sign to just not even try a second date? Because he gave me his phone number but I don't even want to text him or hear his voice right now and am I perhaps being too sensitive?
     
  15. Quantumreality

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    No, you're not being weird at all. It sounds like you need to talk to him about boundaries and what you expect versus what he apparently expected. It sounds like he was looking for a hookup, not a real date. If he's not interested in respecting your boundaries and working to see if the two of you can have a real relationship. I.e. if he's only interested in a hookup and not an actual relationship, it sounds like there may be no point in 'dating' him anymore.

    If you feel pressured or uncomfortable with anything he says or does, then it doesn't sound like he's compatible with you. You have to maintain your own standards (and he has to respect those standards) and be comfortable being around him, else it doesn't bode well for a relationship with him.

    Just my thoughts.
     
  16. PrinceVegeta

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    I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you. I'm glad I'm not being weird because I'm just legit so frustrated right now and can't think.. I thought he wanted to get to know me so I'm pretty upset about this :frowning2: Maybe once I calm down, I'll either gather up the emotional strength to call him and talk about boundaries or tell him at work tomorrow night. I didn't want just a "hook up" so if that's what he was looking for.. i will gladly keep him out of my life.
     
    #16 PrinceVegeta, May 15, 2017
    Last edited: May 15, 2017
  17. Creativemind

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    Hey, I'm sorry this happened to you. Wanting just a hook-up isn't wrong, but it was very wrong for him to not be honest about it.
     
  18. PrinceVegeta

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    Exactly.. Like when he told me he had a crush on me for a long time and he wanted to date.. that made me think he wanted to KNOW ME.. Not just go straight to the bed..If that's all he wanted he should of made it clear.
     
  19. Quantumreality

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    :thumbsup:

    He may not have experience with a real relationship. Unfortunately, many young gay men that I know tend to equate a 'date' with a 'hookup'. I think it's an unfortunate part of our current gay culture, but many young gay men aren't actually looking for a real, potentially long-term relationship and they don't actually know how to date someone, just to get to know them.

    Just be upfront with him. If you have conflicting needs/desires (such as if he only wants a hookup and isn't interested in exploring an actual romantic relationship), then, as you say, you'll just have to go your separate ways.
     
    #19 Quantumreality, May 15, 2017
    Last edited: May 15, 2017
  20. AbsoluteNerd

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    I'm sorry it didn't end as well as you had hoped. I suck at giving advice, so I'll let others do that, and instead offer my listening skills if you ever need to just talk.