Hey guys, So I've watched gay porn for as long as I can remember. However, I never had any attraction to guys (outside of porn) until I started to deal with the fact that I might be gay. I just find it strange that this is all starting in my mid 20s. For the longest time I've been wanting to be in a heterosexual relationship and any girl that I felt like I wanted to date started out as a good friend. Then I just thought the sexual feelings would come when we actually started dating, but it never got to that point. As in, I've never been on a real date or been dating. I'm just now realizing that maybe one thing that impeded me from having a girlfriend was the possible lack of sexual attraction. I would never daydream about girls the way I daydream about guys now. I've only just started 'noticing' really good looking guys. I also started developing a crush on a close guy friend. The thing is, I don't want a boyfriend. And I think that this is because of the pressure to be straight from society, myself, friends, and family. I'm beginning to think that I'll just be single my whole life. This terrifies me but I don't know what scares me more: Being single my whole life or being in a gay relationship. Is it normal for me to only start being attracted to guys after starting to deal with the fact I might be gay? Does anyone have advice?
Hey Texan, What you are experiencing isn't at all unusual. We grow up in a heteronormative environment where people assume that they are straight until they start to realize that they might not be. And with the influences of society, culture, religion, etc that tell us that homosexuality is 'abnormal' or 'wrong', it is easy for us to be in denial if we are other-than-heterosexual and many LGBTQ people even develop shame and internalized homophobia that just complicates our ability to understand and accept our own sexuality even more. Maybe check out this blog and see if it helps clarify anything for you.
Hey Texan I can't say if it's normal or not, but I can say that I'm experiencing the exact same thing (accept that since a few months now, the thought of being in a same same relationship does apeal to me). Although the thought of being Bi/gay has always been there kind of, I never really took it seriously. But then something changed and I did start to pay attention and it's like only now (I'm 20) for the first time I'm actually noticing how many girls I find attractive. It's such a weird feeling, like how could I not have notticed or felt it before? I've also never dated so... Just wanted to let you know you're not alone and if you want to talk I'm here
Your story sound a lot like mine. Im a questioning 19 yr old and i too have always watched gay porn. Also ive never been in a relationship with a girl, and have only ever felt close to a girl once ive really known them well. I too will day dream in class, or stare at guys without noticing, but when i think about dating another guy i get all confused and revert back to the idea that one day i will find a girl that i can be attracted too. Its very confusing, not to mention scary to think about all those thoughts, but talking about them helps. I still am not 100% Confident in my sexuality, but hope one day i will be able to know for sure. Ive always had the thought of possibly being gay since i was about 12, but never attemped anything, but now im in college and feel more open to new things. Its definetly a learning process, and as many people say on here, it will come with time.
