I just started communicating with a pre-transition trans man. I'm having very mixed feelings about it because I identify as a lesbian. He seems like he would be a terrific partner and lifestyle wise we are compatible. If I dated him it would mean that I would need to change my label from lesbian to queer or pansexual. The only thing is that lesbian is the only label that most closely defines me and I imagine myself with a wife and not a husband. I'm only pansexual to a degree but I find femininity or androgyny attractive. I do not want to invalidate his identity in calling myself a lesbian. In reality and on all fairness, I view him as a man even without transitioning. Do I call it off and if so how should I go about telling him? Or do I give him a chance? What do you think I should do?
Give it a chance. You don't need to change a label so drastically... maybe something like homoflexible might suit you more. Love who you love, give this a shot. Everyone deserves a chance Peace hope and love.
Don't let your label limit yourself. Words need to serve you, and not the contrary. If you aren't attracted to him, then yes, that would be a problem. However, if you feel it is worth to give him a chance, why not? Just because of a word, a label? Changing a label is much better and easier than to waste an opportunity with an (apparently) great person.
I agree with the above posters, if you want to date him you shouldn't feel restricted. Maybe you could discuss it with him. I think most trans men would feel invalidated by partners identifying as exclusively lesbian but maybe not something like lesbian-with-some-exceptions or homoflexible, so perhaps you could find something neither of you feel invalidated by.
I don't think your label should limit you I think I would be more concerned long term which I know isn't something which you are necessarily thinking about right now but let's assume you are attracted to him now which is great but what about after he transitions? Assuming that's what he is planning on doing. I guess it potentially depends how far down that road he is planning to go and once he does transition how much his look might change. I'm not saying don't go for it but I just fear that you fall in love with someone who then wants to change into someone you are no longer attracted to.
Thanks for your responses. I decided that I am going to see how it goes right now. I am looking for something long term and him transitioning is something that I am definitely going to have to weigh. I like Maya's suggestion of identifying as a homoflexible lesbian if this works out. In other words, a lesbian who will make (rare) exceptions. Worst case scenario, we can stay friends.
