I've been struggling with my sexual orientation for about 2 years now (I'm a guy and i think i might become gay) and it's driving me crazy. Although this might sound weird, sometimes i'm hoping i'll become gay, but i feel like there is a "dark part" of me that wants me to be straight and it keeps "convincing me" that i like girls and not boys, and that i will never find gay sex pleasuring (I've not had a serious relationship with any gender). So my questions are: Is this normal? What will become of me? And what can i do? (If you decide to ignore this post, it's OK. I might seem kinda crazy...) (Note: I feel like i'm gay, but haven't fallen in love with a boy, yet. I have fallen in love with a girl from my school though, but i won't accept that i am straight, as it feels very boring to me.)
Hey Mr. Fabian, Your questioning is very normal. Only you can ever actually know your own sexuality. Sexuality is something that you can journey to discover, but not something you can ‘become’. You are who you are. You just need to listen to what your body is telling you that it is attracted to. We each come to an understanding and acceptance of our sexuality at our own rate – some of us early in life and some of us much later in life. In time you will understand and accept your sexuality, as well. For LGBTQ people, part of what makes the journey harder is that we live in a heteronormative environment where we grow up being taught that being other-than-heterosexual is ‘abnormal’ or ‘wrong’ or ‘sinful’. This can create mental obstacles for us that must be overcome in order for us to even hear what our bodies are telling us about our romantic and sexual attractions. Some questions that you can ask yourself that might give you some better indicators of your sexual orientation are: Can you imagine yourself in a romantic relationship with a woman? Can you imagine yourself in a romantic relationship with a man? Can you imagine yourself in a romantic relationship with both women and men? When you masturbate (without using pornography), do you fantasize about women? About men? About both men and women? Also, perhaps some of the discussion about sexual and romantic attractions in these YouTube videos can give you some clarity on some of your questioning: Are You Bisexual - Quiz How to Tell if You're Bisexual - Is Bisexuality a Choice? I hope some of that helps.
