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Am i gay, bisexual or bicurious

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hellofriends001, May 18, 2017.

  1. Hellofriends001

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    Hello
    I'm a guy, currently 17 years old and iv'e always considered myself to be straight, iv'e liked girls all my life, iv'e had girlfriends although i haven't lost my virginity yet and the person who iv'e been in love with for the past 3 years is a girl.
    But in the past few months iv'e experienced some changes, i cant pinpoint exactly when or how it happened but i started to watch and be aroused by gay porn and iv'e started to have fantasies about having intercourse with men, but here's the thing, it's purely sexual, i never see a guy in the street and i don't feel attracted to them in the slightest and the thought of kissing or being in a romantic relationship with a man doesn't appeal to me at all, it grosses me out like it would to a would to a straight guy.
    On the other hand, the thought of performing oral sex or being penetrated by someone of the same sex who i can't see their face really turns me on, its like i'm sexually attracted to the male body, particularly the penis, but not to the idea that it's a man. I also feel a great deal of guilt and self disgust immediately after masturbating to gay porn, in the moment i love it but as soon as i'm done i feel terrible with myself, i feel dirty and i ask to myself whats wrong with me.
    This happens to me a few days a week, e.g. 3 days of the week i'm "normal" me, i like girls, i'll see a girl on the bus or in the street and i feel attracted to them, i watch porn with just girls in it, i dream of being with the girl i'm in love with. Suddenly the next day i'm still "normal" every day me and i like straight porn, buuuuut now the thought of gay porn seems a little bit more appealing and the sexual fantasies come in to my head, i do my business and again comes the guilt and disgust, then i'm normal me for a few days and then i like gay stuff for day and it just keeps going on and on like that.
    More recently iv'e tried to come to terms with it, iv'e told myself "this is who i am now, i'm a straight guy that has homosexual thoughts and like gay porn and there's nothing wrong with that" but i still feel really confused about this.
    I don't really plan on "coming out" to my parents because it really doesn't bother me if they know or not, as far as they know i'm straight but they're very accepting of everyone so i know that if i one day in the future i were to come home with a guy and be like "this is my boyfriend, i still like girls, but i also like guys" they would be perfectly ok with it.

    So here are my questions to you guys, is this considered being gay, bisexual or bi-curious.
    Also any input, advice, questions or personal experiences are greatly appreciated, do any of you guys go through something like this?

    Thank you for your time.
    :slight_smile:
     
  2. BiGuy365

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    Sounds like bi-curious.
     
  3. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

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    Hey Hellofriends001,

    Welcome to EC!:slight_smile:

    First of all, only you can ever know your own sexuality. No one else can tell you what your sexuality is. Having said that, I strongly believe that it is very important for each of us to understand and accept our own sexuality in order to be comfortable with who ourselves – regardless of whether we ever Come Out to anyone else.

    What you describe is very common among LGBTQ people who haven’t yet come to terms with their same-sex attractions. We grow up in a heteronormative environment where we are ‘expected’ to be straight and taught that same-sex attractions are “wrong”, “disgusting”, “sinful”, etc. As a result, LGBTQ people often develop internalized homophobia and shame. You can read some thoughts about overcoming those in this blog. Internalized homophobia and shame can cause us to be in denial of our attractions, but our body knows what we are attracted to, so such denial can’t really be permanently suppressed. Do you think that you could be suppressing your emotional attractions to men? Feeling disgust after masturbating to same-sex attractions or engaging in same-sex activities is also a common. Of course, it’s easy to pretend that you only have heterosexual attractions after such activities – until you get horny again and those same-sex attractions resurface. Those feelings of guilt and self-disgust often come from internalized homophobia.

    One other thing to keep in mind is that your romantic and sexual attractions are natural, so if you ever feel like you are ‘forcing’ yourself to pay attention to girls or avoiding paying ‘that kind’ of attention to guys, you’re probably not being honest with yourself.

    Porn is a terrible indicator of sexuality. Some straight guys like to watch gay male porn (for the excitement of what they can’t have – forbidden fruit – or other reasons) and some lesbians prefer to watch gay male porn (because it is much more realistic than most mainstream lesbian porn, which is actually made for straight males). But neither straight males nor lesbians would want to actually have sex with a guy.

    A better indicator of sexuality would be your fantasies when you masturbate. You said that you fantasize about performing oral sex on a guy or being penetrated by a guy. When you masturbate without porn, do you fantasize mainly about guys? About women? About men and women? Realistically, at this point, can you imagine yourself in a longterm romantic relationship with a woman? You said that the idea of being in a romantic relationship with a man doesn’t appeal to you at all. What is it about the idea that grosses you out?

    Perhaps you would care to check out the discussion of sexual and romantic attractions in these YouTube videos to see if they give you any insights.

    Are You Bisexual - Quiz

    How to Tell if You're Bisexual - Is Bisexuality a Choice?

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to tell you that you are LGBTQ, I am only try to provide some information to help you understand yourself.

    I hope some of that helps.:slight_smile:
     
  4. Nightdream

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    I can't tell you if you're bisexual, bicurious or gay. I can only say that I experienced almost exactly the same thing and identify as bisexual right now. I don't know how you're going to take care of this issue, but I've done that: I paid attention to my sexual attraction patterns and noticed that they don't fit in the lesbian or straight experience at all. Yet, I was capable of feeling the desire to have sex and share intimancy to both genders. That's when I decided that calling myself bisexual made sense.

    It doesn't mean that you are bisexual. I don't know you as much as you do. You can do your research about the LGBTQ community to feel more comfortable with your same sex experiences and maybe change your identity of straight to gay/bisexual/bicurious or just figure out that was a phase. The best advice I can give is... Just go with the flow and see where it leads. If you think it's important to communicate to the other people how you feel, you can use one of those so well know labels or not. That's up to you. Good luck. :slight_smile: