Okay, so to start off I guess I should say that I am 23 and have known I'm attracted to both since about kindergarten and I have identified as bisexual since about the 6th grade. I am in a very monogamous relationship with a guy who i really do love. I am just unsure on what kind of love it is, and this happens with a lot of my male relationships on top of the fact that I always feel like something is missing. I always find myself wishing i were with a woman. I have been in relationships with women before and I have been sexual with women before, but after high school I started dating only men. I'm not entirely sure why, maybe it was because I don't know how to differentiate between feelings of close friendship and sexual attraction from romantic love with guys. Maybe it's that I'm scared of being alone forever since it seems to be so hard for me to find any women that like women in my area. maybe it's even that it scares me to ask a woman out in the adult world because I would be "assuming their orientation" and I know how straight men are towards gay or bisexual men that approach them. I feel like being straight is just easier maybe? I don't know. I have never had a fulfilling relationship with a guy, it has mostly just been quick connections and sexual attraction that lead to a deep fondness and an attachment, but the emotional attraction has always been back and forth with any of the guys I have been with. (not to mention they are all amazing friends, but HORRIBLE in relationships) Also, I have never had this happen in any of my relationships with a woman, but it has been a very long time since I have been able to see what an adult relationship with a woman is like. I just cant really make sense of what it is I need or want, and I'm sorry if none of this even makes sense or is kind of everywhere. I guess I would just like some insight since I can't seem to make sense of myself. Am I bisexual or am I repressing the fact that I am actually a lesbian? Or is it possible that I am even straight and trying to be something I'm not? These are the questions i am constantly asking myself, and i can't seem to figure out an answer.
Maybe you're bisexual and homoromantic. It seems like you're sexually attracted to men and women but perhaps you can only have an emotional connection with a woman.
To me, a totally clueless stranger on the internet, it kinda seems like you need to dig deep to figure out what you want out of a relationship first. Not even down to 'do you want a man or woman?', but do you want a deep, fulfilling bond with your partner or a relationship built on quick easy connection and attraction? All I can tell you is that it is possible for you to have all of it in one person. Don't settle for someone (male or female) who doesn't give every part of you butterflies.
