Hello. A while ago I posted a thread coming out as bisexual and after that I subconsciously took a break from thinking and worrying about my sexuality, but recently the worries are back. I am beginning to question everything I once thought, sort of. Technically, I still feel all the same things but I just don't feel certain enough. I have been watching a lot of gay/bi/lesbian YouTubers and all of them said they always kind of knew what their orientation was. So I feel like I should be more sure of who I am, or is it because I am scared to admit it to myself? I have kissed girls before, nothing further, but all times when I was blackout drunk and couldn't remember until I was told about it. I don't remember if I enjoyed it or anything really. Maybe I would have to put myself out there and kiss a girl to truly know in myself, but I am so scared of what people would think. It is so hard to try and discover yourself when everyone around you is watching it happen. Say I discover I am actually straight and then everyone around me doesn't believe it because they have seen me kiss another girl, or even if I did then discover I was bisexual, what will my friends think? I don't want them to be scared I will fall in love with them because I feel I am incapable of forming any relationship other than a platonic one with my friends, but they might not believe or even understand that. I also start to think, surely I am something other than straight? I know I am not gay because I am positive of my romantic and sexual attraction to guys, but to be questioning my sexuality this much and in such depth, it can't be as simple as me being straight. A couple of weeks ago when I was drunk I very slightly came out to two of my friends, but I regretted it so much the next day, even though they were so supportive and both drunk too. I originally said it because one of them shared that they were pansexual and so I felt brave enough to share my feelings I said something along the lines of 'yeah, I think of having sex with a girl and it doesn't disgust me, which I think it does for straight girls, I think I would enjoy it, so I must be something other than straight?' trying to down play it, ahh it is all just so complicated. They say drunk words speak sober thoughts, but I don't tend to believe that because I have said some ridiculous things which I have never thought when sober in a drunken state. I am sorry for my ramblings, I hope they are somewhat comprehensible, I just want to know who I am. PLEASE give me advice! i.e. What should I do to discover myself? Does anyone have any opinions on my sexuality? Just help!
I think you should honestly stop putting so much emphasis on labels. You could be gay, straight, or bi. Does it really matter though? Would any one of those designations change the person you are at the core of your being? You are so much more than simply defined by who turns you on sexually. It's okay to be confused too. The overwhelming mass of humanity is very confused about a variety of issues every day of their lives. You don't have to make clearing up that confusion a prerequisite for being happy.
