I'm struggling with my sexuality and I've never talked to anyone about it before

I'm a 19 year old girl in college and working a pretty professional job. I have had crushes on girls for as long as I can remember. When I was young I started having crushes on girls before boys. I've never told any girl I had a crush on that I felt that way. I've only had relationships with guys. I've never spoken to anyone about my sexuality. I find myself physically attracted to both men and women. I have a difficult time building an emotional and romantic connection with men and find it easier with women. However, I'm not sexually attracted to men or women. I find myself a little bit sexually attracted to someone when I am attracted to their personality and have an emotional connection with them. I really only like doing sexual things to please the other person though. I put 110% into all relationships I have and the most important thing to me is to make the other person happy and pleasing them makes me very happy. Every relationship I've had has been with a violent man who abuses me. I think it would be really difficult to find a girl that I could have a good relationship with. I'm a pretty feminine girl and I'm small and fit. A lot of people think I'm attractive. I'm attracted to other feminine girls. I don't care much about the way people look. I really value people's personalities and having shared interests with them. My interests are pretty out there though. I've never met a person with the same taste in music as me. I dislike most people and have a general distaste for the world around me but I know that's unhealthy and I'm trying to make it better. I don't look like I like girls at all really and I'm very shy. I'm not sure how I would ever meet a girl in the first place. I've been in college for a year and I've never spoken to anyone while there. Another problem is that I'm not really into sexual stuff. If I was in a relationship and I had strong feelings I would want to do sexual things because I like pleasing a partner. I wouldn't want to ever do anything sexual casually though and it seems like most people want that. I guess the question I'm asking is: is there any hope of ever finding another feminine girl to be with that likes really out there shit, doesn't care that I'm not super into sex, and could maybe understand me? I'm afraid that I'll never find anyone because I have trouble getting out of my shell and talking to people and I see myself ending up with another mean abusive guy. I'd like to share this stuff with a real person and I have a hard time opening up to people. I just wish I could open up to another girl that I had feelings for and have a relationship like that so I could figure myself out and find out what I want. I'm not sure what my sexuality even is I just know that what I'm doing isn't working for me. :help::help::help::help: