Struggling to Identify as Bi

Hi. I'm so sorry for the length of my post but I've been carrying this around for the last month and haven't had anyone to fully explain what is going on inside my head to and I just need someone to listen.

So up until about a month and a half ago I was sure I was straight. I had only ever been attracted to guys but I had never been in a relationship before so I had no real experience with anyone.

Then I became really good friends with this girl whom was gay and for the longest time we truly were just friends. But then something started to change and thoughts started jumping into my mind and slowly but surely I realized that an attraction was growing for her. We had begun to joke that we were practically a couple and had even started to become physically much closer. She has never been the touchy type but there was one time I got stupidly drunk and she let me put my head on her shoulder and after that we only became closer. I started messing with her jacket zipper and we would engage in stupid kicking fights and yah... we were basically together without being "together".

At the time we were living together (I met her while studying abroad in London because she was one of my roommates) and we came back one night from an outing with some friends and I sat down on her bed and could no longer bear the physical distance so I moved my leg so that it was touching hers and the moment I did I just collapsed. She then said I think we should talk... I refused to say anything for awhile and then at last admitted that I was experiencing feelings for her but that there was so much pressure from my family to be straight and somehow through the course of talking to her and realizing I didn't want to lose my best friend I ended up accepting that maybe I wasn't straight anymore.

When we finally had this conversation we had four days left of our program after which our respective families would be visiting and then we'd both be leaving London and heading home to the states. I'd be in TN and she in NJ. Those four days we're probably some of the best I've ever had. Adjusting to being a couple overnight was strange but we made the most of it and on our last night we didn't sleep but just sat there together and that morning we finally kissed for real. I say all this because the physical part of our relationship is what has reminded me that what I felt was real.

The week I spent with my family after my gf and I parted we ended up at a bar and this guy came over and hit on me. He was incredibly sweet and the first chance I got I told him that I had a girlfriend and he was respectful but appreciated our conversation enough that he decided to stick around and keep talking... he really wanted to be friends with me even though he knew it couldn't be more. At some point I realized that we had made a genuine connection and suddenly I lost my ability to separate my feelings and remain plutonic with him and he knew it too. I was torn apart excused myself to the bathroom and sobbed because I couldn't handle the mix of emotions I was feeling. When I left I held his hand for a moment and kissed him on the cheek because it felt wrong to simply say goodbye. I felt so guilty about it and told my gf that I had met the guy and how sorry I was but she appreciated how bad I felt about it and understood I was going through an incredibly rough time trying to grasp the concept of a new sexuality.

At the end of that week I tried to break up with her because I couldn't handle the confusion I was feeling. She didn't let me go because she wasn't going to let me run and said she would stand by me while I tried to figure it out and came to terms with who I am. We've been together for a month now and I love her more than ever but I am still plagued with confusion.

I have been dreaming my whole life of finding a guy and fulfilling the role of being the woman in his life. I whole heartedly accepted some of the gender roles and had always craved an old fashioned romance. Crazy and stupid, I know but it's something that I still want and that ability to give my children some day a father, to get pregnant the easy way, to be a wife to a husband it's still a big dream of mine. But god damn love has me all confused. I love my girlfriend so so much and she makes me happy and I know that my feelings are true for her but in the back of my mind I still find myself thinking about the guy I met in the bar and the way it felt to hold his hand and look into his eyes.

I just don't know if I'm holding out for a what if and that maybe those dreams will fade or maybe they never will and I will always feel like I gave up something for her. Is this normal?

Apologies if this is in the wrong forum!