Hate being bi

Sorry your struggling. I can totally understand this. Honestly I don't know how bi people deal with it. When I was coming out to myself i had a lot of lingering hetero issues because I had girlfriends in the past (i am gay) and still look at women and found them beautiful.

I found this stage of coming out the most confusing and traumatizing, but I finally embraced the idea of being gay, and once I did that and fully accepted it by interest in women began to wane dramatically. I also chose to fully identify as gay because my feelings for men are way more intense than i could ever feel for a woman.

Once I made that decision how I deal with attraction to women changes. Now I write it off as a lingering habit my past.

you're in an emotional relationship with the opposite sex so it's a little harder. Wish I had some advice!

(&&&)(*hug*)

 

Hey im sorry you feel bad at the moment, it will get better. I am so sorry your friends didnt react in the best way. It really annoys me that some people within the LGBT community continue to shun others because they arent gay, we of all people should know better than that. I am sorry I dont have better advice but never stop loving who you are

 

I totally understand you! I'm bi too and I've had all these thoughts before and still have them all the time. I don't have a boyfriend so I'm not in the exact same situation but I think I'd feel the same if I was.

Let me just say that whatever people say, you do belong in the LGBTQ+ community, even when you're with a man. The gender of your partner does not change or determine your sexual orientation! Unfortunately, people sometimes have a hard time wrapping their mind around that. You're not "basically straight". You're bi. It's hard to find a place you belong sometimes because when you're dating a man you're experiencing hetero privilege (to a degree) but you're still a part of the queer community.

What's helping me with this "do I belong with the heteros or with the gays?" question is to realise that that's not a productive question in the first place. Bisexuality doesn't mean that you're both straight and gay, it's its own thing, and it's a queer thing. I don't know if that makes sense to you but for me that makes me feel like I fit in with the LGBTQ+ community way more than with mainstream straight culture.

I'm sorry your friends haven't been helpful. It's hard to come out as bi. When I came out to my hetero friends they thought I was a lesbian, when I came out to my bi friend she didn't believe me. It's so stupid. But you'll get through the confusion and this feeling of contradiction. There are people who feel the same way or at least understand how you feel! (*hug*)

 

I get that. People can be awfully judgmental for all sorts of weird reasons.

Before I was out to anyone a friend of mine once took me with her when she went out with a group of people she knew from the queer community at her uni. In general, everyone was really nice, but there was this one girl who held a lengthy monologue about how she would never date a girl who had never slept with a girl and how virgins are the worst. I felt horrbible because she was basically describing me. Stuff like that can happen but I wouldn't want to be friends with people like that anyway. I don't have as many LGBTQ+ friends as I'd like, but I'd rather have a few friends who are nice to me and respect me, than a bunch of people who think I'm somehow not good enough.

 

I can totally relate concerning the contradictory things. I always joke that it is because my zodiac sign is libra.

You are not basically straight, you're bi. I am in a straight relationship too but I am definitely bi. Being in a relationship does not change your sexual orientation and hiding your sexual orientation can have negative consequences. When straight people think you're straight too you will be more often confronted with homophobia and biphobia because they think you are "one of them" and then not being able to react being bi is not very healthy.

 

Mia C,

I'm so sorry that you had a rough and that you are dealing with all of this. I am bi too, and I felt like I was reading my story when I read your post. It sucks that a lot of people don't get it, but just know that you ARE a part of the LGBTQ community and that your feelings and attractions towards women are real, even if not everyone gets it because you are in an opposite-gender relationship. Just know that while being bi is confusing, there are many of us out there who can totally relate and understand what you are struggling with. Just wanted you to know that at least some of us get it and are here to help and listen

 

I can strongly relate to this.

I've been in a relationship with a self identifying straight cis man for 3 years now. We're very emotionally close and he knows me better than anyone, but I only just discovered I was also attracted to women during our relationship when I developed a crush on a close friend.

There are times when my attraction shifts for short periods and I really wish I could be with a girl, though obviously it's more a lust, as I feel emotionally fulfilled in my relationship. The only thing that really gets to me sometimes, is even though he accepts my gender, I sometimes feel like it gets overlooked living a "straight" life essentially like what you were saying, and how I get perceived as just a girl dating a guy. Honestly, there is so much representation for gay people (but not bi), and the dichotomies between gay and straight culture are real and exist, and it used to get to me a lot that there were stigmas, like people saying a bisexual person can't be trusted to date because they're always just experimenting or could easily switch sides or grow tired of you... it's made me feel torn in two different directions at times, especially because I often feel straight people can be accepting because they relate to what appears to be the straight side of you, but completely dismiss all of you for your other half.

The key I think is to stop viewing yourself as two halves of a whole that will never be able to come together as a whole. You are one complete person, and you can be self assured even if you're attraction changes, and you're a good enough person for everyone who loves you, because people do and will. Anyone who thinks you're incomplete or flakey because of who you are just can't accept the multiplicity of who you are and that's not your fault. You aren't "basically straight" or "not gay enough" you just love lots of different people, and you're alowed to have a preference and still own who you are. If someone thinks there's a true separation between being gay and straight, then that's their faulty view of the world, because we're all living in it and experiencing the same things simultaneously, just from slightly different experiences, but we're all whole people who can coexist completely. I've had other LGBT people tell me I "wasn't gay enough" or whatever, but honestly we were all just children at the time and these feelings are hard to deal with. But you are enough, and you're not faking or forcing anything, you're just yourself.