Hi Posted before but didn't look like it's was approved. I am 31, considered myself straight and been with my fiancé for 6 years. We getting married later on this year. I love her to death and she is my whole world. Last 3 years we haven't had sex, I don't know why but my sexual attraction for her has declined. I hate it has happened. In those 3 years I have been unfaithful with women. She knows and has forgiven me. I have always been attracted to women and been in love before I been using porn a lot like every day to fill the void and Recently I came across a gay porn site by accident and was instantly aroused. I got short of breath and butterflies. Now I am obsessed with whether I am gay or straight. I never found men physically or emotionally attractive but I was bi curious before I met my girlfriend and did experiment orally with a guy but didn't enjoy it or feel aroused which is why I thought I was straight. But now i am worried i maybe gay or bi and it's all I can think about. I am so stressed out and depressed. I feel like I am living a lie where a week ago I was happy with my life and knew who I was.. I don't know who I am anymore. I keep testing myself between gay and lesbian porn and feel my attracting to women is fading. I can't sleep or eat and feel I am betraying my wife to be. I don't know what to do. And really need help. I really want be with my wife to be.
Watching porn doesn't automatically mean sexual attraction. Have you ever fantasized deeply about being with a man in a full and meaningful relationship? If not, then you're probably straight. I obviously can't make the final decision though.
It's always best to be honest & up front w those we love, especially the things we're most scared of telling them. This is probably difficult for u being English. My mother was English, & she was so ashamed of some things that happened to her as a little girl, that she never told me until she was about to die. The truth is those we are close to most often know or suspect the things we're afraid to tell them - it's human intuition. So I'd tell your fiancé about watching porn, attraction to men & women … & most important, begin to explore why u haven't had sex in 3 yrs. Consider working w a counselor. It's by opening up, & revealing our secrets, that we take pressure off them, can explore them, see their origin, & begin healing. Good luck.
I told her this morning based on your advice and she is heart broken. I told that I don't know I lost attraction for her and about the constant porn and recent bi feelings. I am not sure what to do. She is withdrawn and not speaking to me. She has gone to bed. I hate that this is happen to me and to us. I love her so much and all I want is for to be happy and have the life she deserves. I want to give her that.
