More confident about same-sex attractions, now doubting opposite-sex ones

Since joining a few months ago I've become a lot more confident about being interested in girls. I've told a friend about it and it felt so right that this can't just be my imagination anymore. but now the more I think about girls, the less I can see myself with a boy so I've stared to doubt my previous attractions.

I've never had a boyfriend except when I was 7. I obviously don't feel like that counts even though I was crazy about him when I was a kid.
I've always been a romantic person and I wanted a 'boyfriend' but I've never actually been in love with one. Usually when me and my friends talked about a boy, I would say things like: yes I like him but... he's not my type, I don't want to be with him, something bothers me about him... And I turned down every boy that ever showed any interest in me. I always had this ideal boyfriend in my head but I never met anyone like that and it was always about character traits that aren't specific for a boy but count for girls as well (often things that are easier to find in girls)

I did have a few crushes. I often liked boys when I first saw them but when I got to know them better that often faded because eventually there was always something I didn't like about them. There are 2 guys I had a stronger crush on. 1 I met on vacation and liked him a lot but we were just friends and after the vacation I never saw him again. Don't know what would have happened if he'd had any interest in me. I only knew him for 1 week so maybe that feeling would have faded as well if I'd known him a bit longer. The 2th was a guy I met last year. From the moment I saw him I was interested in him but he is a real playboy. We are great friends and one day when we were at a party and both drunk we kissed. He was the first and only boy I ever kissed and I liked it. After that I did think about him a lot and we kissed once more but again just a drunk kiss. I know he is not interested in me and that doesn't really bother me because I could never be with someone that doesn't take relationships seriously. Then a while ago after my 'realisation' that I'm not straight, we kissed again and I felt nothing.

I also had quite some obsessions with celebrities and fictional characters like Damon Salvator, Jamie from Outlander and many others. I still think these men are incredibly sexy.

I've never felt like I've lied when I talked about certain guys/characters but I've just never been really in love with a guy or imagined a future with one. In the past I've never experienced crushes on girls as crushes because I didn't see it that way at the time but I know now there have definitely been attractions in the past. Still I've felt more things for boys then girls in the past. But ever since I admitted to myself that I like girls I can really see my future with a girl and a lot less with a guy. I notice girls all the time now and almost never guys. I used to have no problem seeing myself with a guy but the whole husband, house, kids thing and the stereotypical gender roles have never interested me.

Maybe this lack of interest in guys right now is because of the fact that my fantasies about girls are new and exciting or maybe I've just lived such a heteronormative life that I just assumed certain things were attractions, idk what to think. I feel like if I would be with a guy right now I'd always feel like I'm missing out on experiencing love with a girl but I don't think that would happen the other way around.

I' m starting to feel ready to come out to more people but I just really want to understand myself first and I thought maybe some of you would have some advice

Thanks for sticking with me till the end

 

Hey! it's awesome to hear a similair story!
Why does all of this have to be so damn confusing????
You gave some great advice, definitely some things to keep in mind so thanks a lot

 

Hey laviedadele!
Thanks for the great advice. I have no dating experience whatsoever so I find it very hard to figure this out. I can really see myself in that last paragraph and I think I'll try to talk to some people. I feel like I'll always be in doubt if I don't decide to just take some action.

 

Hey Breanna

If you know it in your heart, that's the most important thing of all. I feel like that too on most days but I'm still doubting myself and having no experience isn't exactly helping

 

Thank you so much for your advice!

It doesn't really bother me that I don't have any interest in boys right now. I feel ready to try and meet a girl. But I guess I'm afraid to rule out boys 'officially' like I keep thinking, how do I know I'm not going to fall in love with a guy one day? I feel like that could still happen. I know I don't have to pick a label but that just makes it hard to explain things to everyone. I don't want to tell every person I come out to my life story I think ´queer' would fit me best but I don't think it's a word that's understood by most straight people I know

And even though I feel quite confident right know I'm still afraid that if it ever comes to being with a girl, I'll realize it's not for me

 

Thanks a lot peachy06! you're right, I want all the answers right now but I know I have to take it slow and listen to myself. It's hard because my mind changes all the time but I fell like I'm getting ther