Hello there, I'm new on here but I've been lurking around for quite a while now. I've considered myself gay since I was 15, but haven't started coming out to people until I was 17. I'm turning 18 soon. Recently, my brother found out I was gay, and while he says he's behind me 100% he doesn't understand why I am the way I am. The "I'm just the way I am" explanation doesn't seem to satisfy him. I tried to explain to him what I liked about men, but it went more towards the personality they have, and I tried to describe why I physically like them, but he doesn't really buy it. My birthday is coming up this month and his girlfriend (who I recently came out to as well) wants to take me to a strip club, to see how I feel with a woman considering I told him I never actually dated. I've never even kissed anyone. There were these girls I was in class with, one of which showed she liked me and had friends that pressured me to kiss her. I decided to come out to them there, since well, I can't see myself with a woman. When I think about men, I just get really warm and fuzzy inside, when with a woman it's a feeling of awkwardness to me. All that which recently happened made me wonder if I do something with a woman at the strip club if I somehow do go, would that change me? I mean, it's hard to explain, I don't know why I'm into men, especially considering I was raised in a catholic environment with conservative Christian parents. I'm for the most part happy with my sexuality, but there's people I'm just not ready to tell. I really don't know how to express the confusion I'm going through. Someone please help me.
Going to a strip club will definitely not change you. If anything, it will reassure you. Mostly I'd just be worried about the awkwardness factor. It is hard to describe feelings, and I feel like your brother and his girlfriend aren't being as understanding as they should be. They've had many years to figure out exactly what they like about the opposite sex; you've had three. By no means do you owe anyone an explanation of your feelings or a reason behind your homosexuality (there is no one reason, after all). I'd encourage you to go to the club if you think that it will keep your brother from giving you grief, or that it will help you be really sure you have no sexual attraction to women. But it cannot "change" you, my friend. Good luck.
In my opinion, it wouldn't change the way you feel, and it's a bit selfish of your brother and his girlfriend to push you into going to a female strip club. I don't know why I'm into girls. I feel we were all born with this attraction, and religion has nothing to do with it. If you really wanna argue it, God is perfect, God doesn't make mistakes. Therefore, he must of meant for you to turn out gay. Give your brother some time, it might sink in after you have your first boyfriend or something along those lines.
Sweetie,most people go through confusion,when they discover that they have a same sex attraction. So,it's perfectly okay that your brother doesn't understand,as well. However,I don't think he(or anyone) has the right to try and "change you". It's up to you,if you go to a strip club,or not. Nobody should force you. For most,coming to terms with their sexuality,is a hard thing,especially when it goes "against the norm". Give yourself some time to adjust to your feelings. Being gay,in a society such as ours,isn't easy. But lying to yourself or doing things just to please others,makes it all the harder. It's YOUR life and YOUR happiness that matters the most. I'm glad you found EC and that you joined us. There are really intelligent and loving people here who are more than willing to talk to you,allow you to vent,ask questions,and just be who you are. Remember,we've all been there and some are still where you are. I wish you the best. Just remember,be true to yourself,at the end of the day,it's you who has to live with who you are.
Thank you for the reassurance, you all seem like lovely people.(&&&) My brother's girlfriend is actually real cool with me being gay, though I guess it can be seen as selfish that she's taking me to the strip club. Truthfully, I don't know if she still plans to, but my brother's the really pushy, sometimes forceful type. Really, I am comfortable with being gay and I like that I like guys, and most of my friends are cool with it as well, including my first crush who I'm still friends with. As for the religion thing, I don't believe in God anymore, though my parents don't know that. Yet that's a matter for a different day. Either way I'm happy that with your help I could think this through better.
It's pretty simple, you've talked about both your sexual and emotional attraction to men. Who knows why we are attracted to a specific gender, but when we know, we know. Ask your brother if he knew he was straight before he dated or kissed a girl. Was he attracted to them? Did he get hard looking at hot cheerleaders or females in porn or in playboy? If he answers the way I think he will (if he's honest), then you just say it's the exact opposite for you. Or, you could do this 'scientifically' and ask your brother and his girlfriend to take you to BOTH a female and a male strip club, and then compare notes But in reality, don't go to the female strip club. Speaking from experience, it's a mega-bore and a waste of money, and can also be uncomfortable too if your friends are goading you into getting a lap dance or something.
I dont really see stripclubs in general as worthwhile uses of my time. I dont see the attraction is people who are paid to rub their junk in your face doing it, then moving on when your money runs out and does it to other people till their money runs out and they move on.
URRRRGHHHH that's just so OFFENSIVE! As if anyone gay would insist on taking someone who "claimed" they were straight to a gay bar or strip club just to "be sure!" Tell your brother you'll go to the strip club if he goes to a gay bathhouse with you! (Not that I'm thinking you actually need to go to a gay bathhouse--and I guess in the US you probably can't until you're like 18 or 21 depending on the jurisdiction--it just might shut him up, though.)
There you go. Make sure you tell him exactly that. Have you tried asking him how he knows he's straight or not attracted to men?
All great advice guys, thank you. I would ask them to take me to places with gay people, or talking with my brother, but he lives overseas (it's complicated), so our contact is kind of limited. But yeah, I've been sure that I like men for a good while now, just have to get to the next step and score a boyfriend, heh.
