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sexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bailey, Jan 29, 2010.

  1. bailey

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    So, i think i may be confused. i thought i liked both guys and girls, but a while ago, about a year i got together with a guy, and we kissed, but i felt nothing, in fact i hated it, so i thought i just didn't like him, but then i got together with another guy and we kissed and i hated the feeling as well. when i kissed a girl, i liked it a lot.. what does this mean? i find guys attractive, but i don't like BEING with them..
     
  2. JakeBHT

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    I think like so many of us you need to stop thinking lables and just let is all go with the flow. You will find out when you find out it does not have to be before a deadline hunni. If you liked kissing girls but not guys then probably go for the girls and guys for a while if the same things happens again and again then maybe that is telling you something.

    el
    xxx
     
  3. bailey

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    i never said there was a deadline and please don't call me hunni, it drives me crazy
     
    medamaude likes this.
  4. The Paradigm

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    Confusion is very common when it comes to sexuality. It's rare not to have confusion. It happens all the time. Do you find them physically attractive (males)? Or is it their personalities that turn you off? There's nothing worst than being with an attractive man and getting annoyed with his sub-par shallow personality--trust me.

    Regardless of your answers or your thoughts, one thing will always remain true.
    You are you.
    As long as you remain true and honest to your feelings, you really can't go too wrong. Don't worry about if you're 'gay', 'bi' or any other available title. There's no need to label yourself. You're not going to change by picking the 'perfect' label. I promise. (*hug*)
     
  5. GhostDog

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    Oh, if only sexuality were as simple as "guys/girls, yes/no". It's hard to pin down, I know. =/

    What does it mean that you find guys attractive but you don't like being with them? I imagine it means exactly that. If you don't like kissing guys, don't, and if you do like kissing girls, then do! I think it's perfectly possible to find a guy handsome without wanting to get into his pants. It's like looking at a nice sculpture! I think Michaelangelo's David is lovely, but I'd hardly go feel it up. =P

    Are you asking yourself whether you're bisexual or gay at this point? I know it really feels like an important question to answer, but don't stress out over it too much. If you don't like kissing guys, are there other things you find appealing about them? Can you see yourself being happy and fulfilled in a relationship with one? All warm and fuzzy and aglow inside? Or are you more comfortable just picturing yourself in a close friendship with one?

    I'm not about to go and tell you that labels have no importance whatsoever, because they can and do build a sense of belonging. But is it more important to you to know exactly what you're feeling at any given moment and label yourself accordingly, or to go with what just feels right? What impact would your decision have on anyone but you?

    Sexuality isn't as cut-and-dried as a lot of folks like to make it out to be. The "you are this, and always will be, or you aren't, and never have been" mentality makes it really stressful to figure out where you fit in. I'd go with your gut. Who would you feel better kissing, dating, having sex with, and being in love with? A girl? A guy? Either? It kind of sounds to me like you've answered that already, though.

    I wouldn't stress out about it too much. Labels are really just an approximation of one aspect of a person, anyway. No two people are the same, so the expectation that every gay or bisexual person experiences sexuality in the exact same way makes no sense. If you do end up figuring out that you pretty much want to only be with women and decide that 'gay' fits you better than 'bisexual', nobody reasonable is going to come take away your lesbian card for thinking a guy is nice looking. Nor should identifying as gay mean that, somewhere down the road, you refuse to be with someone of the other sex that you otherwise find attractive because of your identity.

    In my opinion, labeling your sexuality should be much more like writing it down on a post-it note and sticking it to yourself, rather than etching it in stone. Yeah, it's pretty accurate right now, but it doesn't have to stay there if you don't want it to, and it's no big deal if it changes over time.
     
  6. Root

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    Thanks, this helped me to put things in perspective for myself. Good post :slight_smile:
     
  7. RaeofLite

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    I agree with GhostDog. I only labelled myself to explain it to my friends, parents and people if they ask etc. Whereas I'm about a Kinsey 5 (closest to the super gay spectrum).

    I was talking about an ex who lived 5 hours away to a classmate and he asked why I would date a guy so far away. I smiled and said, "actually he is a 'she'. And we're not dating anymore."

    He was like :eek:? "Really? So you don't like guys at all??" My answer was that "Yea, guys are cool, but only as friends. I like hanging out with them but I don't want to have sexual or relationship relations with them and I'm not aroused by them." Some of them are pretty damn cute to look at, but I know that I just wouldn't "feel" anything other than knowing they're cute for them.
     
  8. haelmarie

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    Fantastic post. I wish I had seen this a year ago.

    I was going to say something smart, but really, I have nothing to add to that.
     
  9. Johnnieguy

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    I went with bisexual for a short period of time before I realized that it was a complete and utter lie. I am 100% gay; always have been and always will be. I also LOVE the label. If anyone asks, I tell them. Or else I drop lines that make it obvious, ie "my future husband".

    I had a girlfriend in high school..Never did a single thing sexual with her (except a kiss at prom). Then in college I made out with 2 different girls on 2 separate occasions. Hated it both times. The first time, I was wasted/drunk out of my mind and it was *kind of* private, I mean it happened in the hallway outside her dorm, away from the prying eyes of our friends. Then we moved out to the concrete steps in front of her building (no idea why!) But she was my escort to the bathroom (since it was an all-girls campus), so every time I had to pee, which was a lot since we were drinking, she and I had to leave the room together..It was killing me because she was REALLY into it. Apparently she had been harboring a crush on me ever since she met me the year before. But I was not about to come out to any of my straight friends, especially the religious ones. So I mumbled some pathetic excuse and ended up breaking her heart (something I have never forgiven myself for) but on the upside she did find out the truth (that I was gay and she wasn't undatable afterall) senior year right before graduation.

    The second story isn't at all interesting. It was just awkward because we were "dating" and she moved to kiss me right in front of all my friends on my b-day, so what was I supposed to do there? The whole time, I kept thinking to myself "please GOD MAKE THIS STOP!" and "if this is what my sexual experiences are like, I'm going to have one crappy life."

    I realized I was gay when I made out with another boy for the first time (after both attempts with women)..It was incredible...The pure joy I felt indulging in his lips. I switched over from "bi" to "gay" after that..Afterall, why else would I have to get drunk to kiss a girl, but melt right into a boy's arms? (I also had the attractions to guys since I was 12/13)

    As for still being attracted to men, maybe you can just appreciate good looks. I still see some women and just KNOW that they are beautiful, but I absolutely do NOT want to have sex with them. It would be so awkward with their breasts..and their lack of nuts..On top of that girls have long hair..I don't know what to say. I won't even go for a guy that has girl-like hair. (I love the short hair on guys, but will make an exception for hockey hair)
     
  10. runner246

    runner246 Guest

    I know where you're coming from! I have the same view of girls and guys (except backwards, of course). I can look and a girl and say "wow, she's hot," but it never turns me on at all. On the other hand, I can look at a guy and say "DAMN is he cute" and get turned on immediately. Plus, if a guy ever want's to be 'more than friends' I get that weird butterfly feeling that happens, if you know what I mean. But if it's a girl that does the asking, I look on it and say "ok. so what?"

    Unlike a lot of guys I know, I don't feel nervous around girls as much. I don't feel the need to impress them or show off or any of that. This is probably why most of the people i talk to casually are girls. I don't feel any pressure to turn it into anything else. Guys, on the other hand, are a lot harder to get into a relationship with. Even as friends. If I ever hang out with guys I'm always thinking about how I look, and what I'm saying, and all that stuff.

    However, this view might be warped by how I see myself. I totally agree that sexuality is like a post-it note. I think that I am attracted--not to girls and guys--but to people, and that is what's important. My sexuality is whatever gender I happen to be dating at the moment, and so far it happens to be guys. I don't know if I will ever find a girl that I will be sexually attracted to, but I hope to keep an open mind just in case. I want to meet a person that I can rely on, be that a guy or a girl. The way things have been going, I hope it's a guy :wink:
     
  11. beckyg

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    Male or female....you kiss alot of toads before you find the person right for you. Just open your mind and your heart to those you feel attracted to. You will figure it out. :slight_smile: