1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Definetly Maybe, Nov 3, 2010.

  1. Definetly Maybe

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2010
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hiy! :smilewave

    I'm new to EC but have known about it for ages, just was scared to ever use it :lol:

    Recently I've been questioning my sexuality. I think i am gay, and i am very camp sometimes without trying. I always can joke about being gay to the people who don't actually know i am. But a lot of things have happened which has really think about myself, in particular my sexuality.

    So far i have come out to my mum (and she dosent care) and about 7 friends (but i think more now some people might have told) but i never really thought tht maybe i was bi (no offence i just thought it was for people who were still experimenting but now i know and believe different) :icon_bigg.

    I've always thought about having kids, i would love one - a mini version of me running about XD, and one of my closets friends who knows im gay dosent believe i am and can also imagine me with kids and possibly even a family (which i don't find wrong)

    But most recently it has been due to a really really bad experience with my first bf. I never really had a crush on a boy before like this (1 minor one which was silly and went no where) and i love being with him. But before him i always knew i was more attracted to guys for many, many years. I still have a massive crush on him, even after all the **** weve been through, but apart from him, i am not sexually attracted to any other guy i kno.

    The point being is one of my friends said i might have been gay because of my first bf, and that i actually maybe bi or even straight. I kno i wasnt experimenting with him but im just starting to question whether she maybe right. I'm very happy with accepting i'm gay and have no problems with it at all :icon_bigg.

    Thanks for listening :icon_bigg and sorry if this is long but i'm new and i'm allowed to :icon_wink. I'ld just like to kno if youve ever thought about kids and family and stuff and maybe help me understand who i am.
     
  2. Mr.Pushover

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2010
    Messages:
    418
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    Totally, I like guys romantically, but with girls it's more casual and I don't know if I'm gay, but I've always wanted to start a family, like a family with my blood and DNA you know? I'm gonna wait a while though lol :wink:
     
  3. Definetly Maybe

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2010
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Yh thts how i feel :icon_bigg, just i have never been attracted to girls, and the thought of sex makes me a bit uneasy, but its a different story with guys. It's messed up :confused:
     
  4. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey welcome to EC.
     
  5. Revan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Messages:
    7,850
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    *sigh*....first off welcome to EC. Second off, let me bang my head against the wall a bit...

    Okay so, you mention you don't really know your sexuality and are just trying to find yourself. Well first thing you should know my friend is that sexuality is as fluid as water. It's not just Gay, Bi and Straight. There are so many levels of attraction and who you're attracted to. You need to realize that you don't need to just pick who you are.

    As for the family and kids thing, I don't know how many times I've had to tell gay youth like yourself this. Having a child, a "mini you" as you put it, running around is not impossible just because you're gay. There's artificial insemination, surrogacy, and so many other developments going on if you choose to be with a man or a woman because there can be heterosexual couples that don't have kids "the regular way" because they don't have the ability to produce children. Plus with the way the world's going, you will be able to have a family with another man (or woman) if you so choose.

    So stop thinking about it and just enjoy life. You're only 15 for heaven's sake!
     
  6. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Hi there and welcome to EC.

    I'd echo the suggestion that you should not worry about this too too much. Not many people decide they are gay and come out only to realize they were wrong. I'm not sure that has ever happened to be honest. Be glad that you're as comfortable as you are with yourself, and that you have as much support as you do.

    As for being sexually attracted to other guys? Well, you're 15. Maybe it's not such a bad thing. Focus on school and stuff. There's lots of time to have boyfriends later on in life. Trust me. I didn't manage to find my first boyfriend until I was 36. There's no hurry.
     
  7. peaceandlies

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2010
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In a Dream.
    Okay, in defense of OP, I came out when I was 15. Not thinking about your sexuality when you've just figured out that you might be gay is virtually impossible, and certainly not something I would recommend. Holding things inside IRL is hard - but being told your concerns are nothing online has to make it even worse. Enjoying your life is impossible when closeted homosexuality is knawing at your mind. Really, it is. I certainly never managed to enjoy anything until I came out, both to myself and to the world.

    Advice to OP:

    Stop telling people until you're much more comfortable, and totally sure. Coming out before you are ready causes so many problems. A spoiler of my own experiences of coming out before I should have:

    I was twelve when I told my best friend (who, thankfully, is still by best friend).

    I grew up in a christian family, who, from when I was very young, explained how homosexuality was a sin, and that anyone who had homosexual thoughts would go to hell. Well, I was fairly screwed.

    When I was six, I pretty much tickle-raped a girl, which kind of counts as my first sexual experience. When I was seven, I finally admitted to myself that I was having innapropriate feelings ect, but it was kind of like I had this little deal with myself that I would admit it, and then seal it off and forget all about it. I was terrified, TBH. I thought I believed in hell. In other words, my parents screwed me up badly.

    When I was eight, I became a transgender, because it felt like it was the only way to be myself at the same time as having my parents' love. Didnt really work, but anyway. When I turned eleven, I was too developed to carry on, but I've never been one for skirts ect...

    I went to boarding school when I was twelve, and that finally got me far enough away from my parents. My sexuality started to emerge, and I was helped along by this sixteen year old bisexual girl in my dorm who I kind of ended up in love with. (We're kind of friends on facebook now, but I do my best to stay away from anything involving her, because of how I react whenever I see her name/picture. I never really got over her). I also met my best friend there.

    Anyway, I was still sort of christian then, and self hatred made me depressed, and I started cutting. No one ever found out about that. When the kids at the school found out about my sexuality (I thought I was bisexual then, it was a lingering desire to fit in which I couldnt let go of), I got so badly bullied that my best friend helped me to run away. We spent this night together (I remember it perfectly, it was a thursday), and I came out to her.

    I was so screwed up, and I was terrified, and I couldnt say the word bisexual. I made her guess, and when she said it, I couldn't say 'yes'. I couldn't smile. I just nodded, looking ashamed. I cried. She told me it was fine, and that it hadn't lowered her opinion of me in any way.

    Then I got kept at home and life got steadily worse by the second. I contemplated suicide, and even took pills once. I even tried to slit my wrists deep enough to bleed out and die, and I still have the scars from it.

    The illusion of bisexuality stayed with me for a long time, fueled by a stupid crush on a boy, which I now realise involved no sexual attraction whatsoever. And one day, I woke up, realised I was gay, not bi, stopped cutting, got out of depression, and started enjoying life. That was last year.

    Then at the beggining of this school year, I came out to the school, and to my parents (seriously, just screw them. i dont care anymore), and pretty much everyone. I had to tell my best friend that I was lesbian not bi, and that was a bit of a mess. But I've finally figured out who I am, and I'm going to leave my past where it is, and I'm not going to wish it was different. Because that would make me a different person.

    Basically, you'll have to deal with a load of messy shit if you come out before you're ready.

    To help you figure out what your sexuality is, the only thing I can sugest is (am I allowed to sugest porn?) exposing yourself to as much visual stimulants as you can, and try to understand your reactions.

    Basically, looking at a penis makes me feel physically and mentally sick - this isnt meant as an insult to you guys, its just the way I am, and it doesnt mean I'm not friends with guys. This leads me to believe I am gay, coupled with my reaction to female body parts.

    After you're sure (take as long as you need, but not longer, as that peroid can screw with you big time) come out. THEN, live your life