Age: early 20's. Currently I've been having oral and anal sex with my male partner. I'm the "dominant" or tops in the relationship. The problem in the matter is that everytime we do the deed, I can't keep it up, its like I can't feel any sensation of pleasure. I do my best to keep it going to try and make sure my partner doesn't think he's useless. But the only way I find to finish is if I daydream of doing it with a woman or watching a straight porno. Though when I finally do, not much comes out and its not very pleasurable, slightly painful. Its almost the same for me while alone and masturbating to porn. Everytime I do it to gay porn, the end result is always a painful ejaculation. The only time I've ever found myself to get a pleasureable, feeling like I'm in heaven "high" out of anything is when I've masturbated to a porno with a woman in it, whom is the center of attention. When it comes to guys I usually prefer the ones that have a feminine look about them and more so the type of crossdressers where you can't tell if their really a guy. It makes me wonder if I'm really bi or actually "straight but experimenting" if thats even an actual sexuality. The farthest I've gone with physical contact with a woman is a french kiss. In comparison to a guy, the physical feeling was the same. There is a curiousity of mine that would like to know what it is like to have intercourse with woman. The lack of knowledge of said experience, kind of drives me nuts day by day. But there's 2 problems with that, I would have to break up with my partner and what if I when I finally get that experience and its just like my current situation and I don't feel any pleasure then. I'd have lost my partner and found that sex in general isn't that great for me. I just don't what to do or who I am sexually anymore.
sexuality is very fluid... I would say that right now you are attracted to women but that could change in the future. Straight but experimenting is also very common, you are not alone.
for starters. Don't label yourself now. It'll make things even more complicated. Use your own name as your label. If you have to think about another person besides your partner in bed when you're 20. Chances are you're not really attracted to your partner in a sexual way. You know what you find attractive. You laid it out for us: "But the only way I find to finish is if I daydream of doing it with a woman or watching a straight porno." From the looks of your post you came off like your not physically attracted to guys. You are 20. Live a little. 2 things: 1) You talked about how the thought of a woman get you going but you still gravitate to a males in some way. See if your partner would be interested in role playing or dressing up in bed. Play around. Buy some toys/props and just go to town. or 2)I'd say be honest you your partner and break it off. The last thing you want to do is mentally cheat on him with something he can't live up to, that something being a physical woman. With that being said you'd have to do a little experimenting. With women and men.
Right now dont worry about giving yourself a title. That just makes things way more confusing and does more harm then good. From what you have said I would say you are attracted to women, it doesnt seem like you are sexually attracted to your partner. This could change over time. I would say that if you arent attracted to your partner just be honest and break it off. Maybe give a girl a try in the future and seee how that works out.
I feel for you man. I have similar confusion when it comes to my porn preferences, but feel more emotional towards men. It is a tough place to be. I haven't gone as far as you with a man, and I am envious. Sexually, I've gone the opposite route. You sound like you need to do some experimenting with women. You might enjoy it, and it sounds like you need to try to help answer some internal questions. I'd at least talk to your partner about these feelings, as It isn't fair to keep it going with him, IMO. It's a tough place, but kudos to you for being open minded and experimenting.
