I'm a guy in my early 20s. I've had feelings for other guys since about the first grade. Of course, that could have been a phase, but the feelings haven't stopped. I don't know exactly how to describe this feeling, but it's definitely a feeling of intense sexuality and emotion. Emotion-wise, it's like I'm about to cry, but not quite. I feel this way when looking at any reasonably attractive guy around my age. In fact, I often get sexually aroused when talking to a guy I find even mildly attractive. I tend to only fantasize about seeing other guys naked and dream about sexual contact with guys (I'm not completely comfortable with anal sex). I did have several same-sex experiences when I was younger and enjoyed those experiences immensely, but haven't been able to fulfill my desires lately. While I can definitely tell an attractive girl from a so-so girl, I've never had the same feeling looking at a girl that I get from looking at a guy. I feel awful when I know a girl is drop-dead gorgeous, but don't get an iota of sexual feeling. When I'm around straight guys, I feel like I have a very tough time relating to their sexual attraction to girls. I don't get the same satisfaction from fantasizing about naked women as I do naked men. I have been called gay/faggot, but didn't take these very seriously (from a bullying point-of-view) and people around me who at least thought they knew me when I was called gay/faggot didn't give this much attention. I am reasonably certain that the guy calling me a fag didn't think it actually applied. I'm not flamboyant and would probably seem just like a regular guy, perhaps just a little quiet. It's becoming considerably difficult to maintain friendships with straight guys, especially when I want to see them naked. I've resisted even suggesting some sort of experimentation to them at the fear of putting myself in an uncomfortable situation. I absolutely loved the very few times when I had the opportunity to roughhouse with a straight guy, but fear doing more of the same would cause a rather awkward situation. I've had a few friendships that I wanted to pursue mainly to see a guy naked. I'd like to tell someone that I haven't interacted with throughout my whole life about this, but haven't brought myself do this. Am I, without question, gay? Any support/advice would be greatly appreciated.
It sounds like you're gay. And it sounds like you already know that. Feeling alone when you realize this is not uncommon AT ALL. I think what you need is to spend some time with some gay people. It helped me be more comfortable with myself and also more comfortable with others, straight girls and otherwise. Plus, the more gay friends you make, the more likely you are to meet some special guy. There's always someone who knows someone It's going to be okay, you might be feeling uncomfortable and lonely right now, but that's not how being gay always is. There are tons of gay people. You probably know a few, you just don't know they're gay. So, I guess what I'm saying is, take a deep breath. You don't have to figure out your sexuality this very second. But that it might be beneficial for you to find a way to make some gay friends. They will understand. You could even do that by spending some more time here on EC. (Welcome, btw (*hug*) )
My personal belief is everyone is kinda on a scale.. so no one is truly gay or strait but that is just me. We just like who we like. But I've had a similar experience I guess.. I was raised female and was told to like males. I was also raised in a Mormon church.. But anyway, I always had these crushes on females and saw males as more friends. It wasn't until my first girlfriend I started to realize that yeah, I prefer females over males. So I guess I'm saying your not alone in trying to figure out who you like and all. And it's OK to try things out. The reason people use those names as insults btw is because a lot of people are ignorant. They don't understand. I hope I was of some help to you.
I can't tell you what your sexuality is (only you can really know), but when you are a guy and you say that you're attracted to men and not (sexually) attracted to women, it sounds like you are pretty much the definition of homosexual. On another thread, someone suggested to the OP that he should re-read his post as if it were someone else's, and then think about what he would tell that person. You may want to do the same. As for the "alone" part, its great that you have come to EC because there are tons of people here in almost the same situation. Read posts and participate in threads. Its really helped me
If it is any help at all there is someone here with simialr feelings .(if a little less intense as far as the naked part goes.)
You sound like its rather possible that you are gay at least from what you told us. It also seems that repressing this has you wound up enough that your urges are starting to become an issue for you. I might suggest looking for a few books or the like on coming to terms with this and then maybe starting to explore your sexuality in safe and responsible manner so that you can stop beating yourself up. Being gay is ok but trying to bottle your feelings seems to be taking its toll on you. It all gets better and I am sure it will even out in time. Just take things one day at a time and see the books thread for a few books I listed that might help. Good luck and keep your head high.
I am in the same boat, so you are not alone. It's also nice to know im not the only one going through this. Its so frustrating when someone comments on how hot a girl is and i have to sigh and agree with them as if im interested.
brightsky, i'm right where you are. the girls are hot comments are always around me and it's like they want me to chime in.
